I'm a Parent | Integrated Learning Therapy

Reading difficulties – A symptom not the cause of problems

Jun 4, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

(With thanks to Svea Gold)

When Mat fails to learn to read at grade level, his parents are encouraged to help him with extra reading at home, or refer him for remedial reading. This often doesn’t help very much and the reason is that reading failure is a symptom that the child has an underlying problem. His problem may not be the act of learning to read at all. The struggle to read is a red flag signifying that there is something going on in Mat’s brain that is the real reason for his problem.

For example, if the two sides of Mat’s brain aren’t communicating properly, the eyes won’t function properly either. Most people see words with each eye. If you are reading the words THE CAT your right and left eyes will separately see the words (THE CAT and THE CAT), then send the signals to the brain. The brain, in turn, superimposes the two images into one and you ‘read’ the words: THE CAT.

If Mat’s eyes are not functioning properly, he might look at the two images and see: THE TCAT CAT. He can’t make sense of this so can’t read it. He blinks and looks again. This time he sees: THE CATHE CAT. Mat decides that he really sucks at reading and must be very stupid!

It isn’t simply a question of seeing. An optometrist finds that Mat has perfectly normal vision. The truth is that efficient reading depends on many skills, not only the health and visual acuity of the eyes. The problem may be more deep seated – caused by faulty wiring in the brain, that we call ‘neurological disorganization’ or ‘incomplete neurological organisation’. If the child’s inability to read is the result of incomplete neurological organization, there will be other significant clues. If his eyes don’t function well together, he will most likely get tired quickly; he may find that certain sports are difficult; most likely his coordination will be poor and he may show awkward movements.

Many children with learning problems show a lack of coordination stemming from poor neurological organization. These children are not stupid but merely need help in rewiring the brain networks to bring about organized neural pathways needed for reading, writing and numeracy. ILT practitioners see this day after day. Once the correct connections have been made in Mat’s brain, he might suddenly take off and develop rapidly in many areas.

Clues to neurological disorganistion

Here are some of the signs of a disorganized brain that many children with reading problems (also labelled as dyslexia) show:

They lack coordination. Running, walking even crawling seem awkward and lack grace and smoothness
They have undecided or delayed dominance, meaning that they show uncertain preference for writing, for throwing, stepping on a stool, etc. This lack of a clear dominant side exists way beyond the age of six years, when most children have developed clear dominance.
They seem to love music
Their handwriting has no consistent slant: their letters seem to have different angles and go in different directions
They show signs of visual difficulties – often holding their noses close to the paper when reading or writing
Many reverse letters and numbers, mixing up the directions of letters such as ‘b’ and ‘d’. They may read ‘saw’ for ‘was’ or write numbers backwards
Most are poor spellers who may be drilled for a test but forget what they learn in a very short time
Many seem to manage maths better than reading and speak more fluently than they can express themselves in writing
Most seem to understand spoken language but struggle with written language.

The importance of neurodevelopment

Very often the brain does not develop normally if a stage of development is missed. The eyes, for instance, learn to work together in the period when the child is crawling on hands and knees. When the leading hand feels the floor, the eyes will reflexively focus on that hand. This helps both eyes focus on one point at the same time. The two images from the two eyes are superimposed in the brain and the child sees one image and not two. Crawling is also very important in helping the child judge distance, an ability needed when writing.

During this all-important crawling stage, the ears are also learning to work together. As the forward hand hits the floor, the head moves gently from side to side as the eyes follow the hand. This provides stimulation to the vestibular system in the inner ears, and much of the information leading to the speech centre is coordinated through this system. The vestibular system coordinates visual perception with the ability of judging where the sound comes from and helps the brain make the postural adjustments to allow the child to move freely.

This is just one example to emphasise the importance of the crawling stage in infancy. Parents need to severely limit the time that babies are kept in playpens, walking rings, car seats and such like. These prevent the infant from learning the normal crawling patterns which are so vital for coordinating all the functions of the body.

How do we address this?

ILT practitioners look for clues that point to inadequate functioning or underdevelopment of brain areas that support learning in their young clients. They also appreciate the role of nutrition in brain functioning and know that a healthy brain depends on the body being healthy and well nourished.

Once the underlying causes of the child’s problem have been uncovered, a programme of individualized activities are given to the family to be done at home every day. The child’s progress is monitored through a series of programme reviews, in order to adjust the activities according to progress shown.

This process basically gives the brain a second chance to develop all areas and so make it possible for the child to ‘catch up’ on those difficult academic areas.

Helping your child learn how to focus

May 28, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Leanne Gray, of The Prepared Environment, shared some ideas about children’s focusing on her blog and I appreciated them so much that I’m hopefully disseminating them further!

Focused attention is necessary in the classroom and in the home. We all know how annoying it is when we trying to speak to someone and their attention is clearly wandering. Even more important, teachers despair when children struggle to maintain focus on a topic or a task. So what should you be doing to help them learn to focus?

First of all, we know how difficult it is to return to something that we were doing after we’ve been interrupted. For example, the phone rings and we have to break concentration to attend to the call; or our child rushes in with news that distracts us from a task. Keeping this in mind, how often do we interrupt our young children when they are attending to something and in the process, teach them to be easily distracted? For example, a young child is trying to master tying their shoelaces. Do you become impatient and offer to help too soon?

We interrupt by asking questions, commenting, offering praise or encouragement – even smiling. Try to be more patient. Realise that very young babies can focus on something for a very long time. Their brains take much longer to process than ours and children as young as 3 years old can spend up to 20 minutes focusing on an activity. If this happens with your child, don’t interrupt with anything. Wait until she is clearly finished, then perhaps offer an encouraging remark.

If he is playing with jumbo crayons, let him play. Don’t interrupt by telling him the crayon’s colour is blue and getting him to say ‘blue’ after you. Don’t take away the box she is trying to open and do it for her. Don’t help her butter the slice of bread she wants to eat.

In other words, don’t interrupt children when they are focusing on something. It’s very easy to interrupt a child and you might find it takes some practice to stand back and let them persevere by themselves. See their endeavours and play as opportunities to practice the ability to sustain attention on a task – without being distracted.

Speaking of distractions, try to create an area in your home where your child can be focused without too much in the environment that may draw attention away. Don’t allow them free access to a multitude of toys – let them choose one or two toys at a time and focus on those. Don’t always have the TV or radio on where the child is playing but keep the area quiet and inviting.

Be careful of allowing too much screen time and electronic ‘toys’. Remember that it has been recommended that children under the age of 2 years should have no screen time at all and until aged 5, only up to one hour of quality, parent-chaperoned use.

Then be cautious too about the plethora of modern toys available that interfere with the ability to focus. Media-type toys, or active, fast-paced ‘learning’ toys can have attention-robbing qualities. No children should engage in play with toys that result in a trance-like state. No learning happens in these situations but they may be negatively affecting children’s developing minds and fracturing their ability to focus and pay attention.

The kinds of toys children benefit most by are concrete objects, real experiences and social interaction. Magda Gerber (http://www.magdagerber.org) wisely said: ‘The best toys for babies don’t do anything.’ Just like the old adage about how children typically throw the toy away and play with the box in which it was packaged!

So the bottom line is to refrain from keeping your child happy and amused and solving all her problems. She needs to practice on her own, make mistakes, and go through difficulties.

The Prepared Environment can help you know when and how to offer help to your children. Read more about how to do that at the following sites:

0-3 years (https://www.thepreparedenvironment-com/blog/8-steps -to-help-infants-and-toddlers-do-it-myself

3-6 years (https://thepreparedenvironment-com/blog/four-steps-to-offer-as-little-help-as-possible-primary

6-9 years (https://thepreparedenvironment-com/blog/how-to-offer-your-elementary-children-as-little-help-as-they-really-need

Allergy or intolerance? What’s the difference?

May 14, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

We are all aware of the dangers presented to children by being allergic to certain foods or other substances. Schools take great care to note if learners have to avoid these allergens.

But when is a child allergic to a food and when do they have a food intolerance? These terms are not interchangeable. Jennifer Koplin and Desalegn Shifti discusss this in The Conversation.

What is an allergy?

A food allergy happens when the body’s immune system mistakenly reacts to certain foods as if they were dangerous. The most common foods that trigger allergies include eggs, peanuts and other nuts, milk, shellfish, fish, soy and wheat.

Mild to moderate signs of food allergy include a swollen face, lips or eyes; hives or welts on your skin; or vomiting. A severe allergic reaction (called anaphylaxis) can cause trouble breathing, persistent dizziness or collapse.

What is an intolerance?

Food intolerances (sometimes called non-allergic reactions) are also reactions to food, but they don’t involve your immune system.

For example, lactose (a type of sugar) intolerance is a metabolic condition that happens when the body doesn’t produce enough lactase. This enzyme is needed to break down the lactose in dairy products.

Food intolerances can also include reactions to natural chemicals in foods (such as salicylates, found in some fruits, vegetables, herbs and spices) and problems with artificial preservatives or flavour enhancers.

Symptoms of food intolerances can include an upset stomach, headaches and fatigue, among others.

Food intolerances don’t cause life-threatening reactions (anaphylaxis), so are less dangerous than allergies in the short term, although they can cause problems in the longer term, such as malnutrition.

We don’t know a lot about how common food intolerances are, but they appear to be more commonly reported than allergies. They can develop at any age.

It can be confusing

Some foods, such as peanuts and tree nuts, are more often associated with allergies. Other foods or ingredients, such as caffeine, are more often associated with intolerance.

Certain foods, such as cow’s milk and gluten (a protein found in wheat, rye and barley), can cause both allergic and non-allergic reactions in different people. But these reactions, even when they’re caused by the same foods, are quite different.

For example, children with a cow’s milk allergy can react to very small amounts of milk, and serious reactions (such as throat swelling or difficulty breathing) can happen within minutes. Conversely, many people with lactose intolerance can tolerate small amounts of lactose without symptoms.

There are other differences too. Cow’s milk allergy is more common in children, though many infants will grow out of this allergy during childhood.

Lactose intolerance is more common in adults, but can also sometimes be temporary. One type of lactose intolerance, secondary lactase deficiency, can be caused by damage to the gut after infection or with medication use (such as antibiotics or cancer treatment). This can go away by itself when the underlying condition resolves or the person stops using the relevant medication.

Whether an allergy or intolerance is likely to be lifelong depends on the food and the reason that the child or adult is reacting to it.

Allergies to some foods, such as milk, egg, wheat and soy, often resolve during childhood, whereas allergies to nuts, fish or shellfish, often (but not always) persist into adulthood. We don’t know much about how likely children are to grow out of different types of food intolerances.

How do you find out what’s wrong?

Allergy tests help doctors find out which foods might be causing your allergic reactions (but can’t diagnose food intolerances). There are two common types: skin prick tests and blood tests.

In a skin prick test, doctors put tiny amounts of allergens (the things that can cause allergies) on your skin and make small pricks to see if your body reacts.

A blood test checks for allergen-specific immunoglobulin E (IgE) antibodies in your blood that show if you might be allergic to a particular food.

Food intolerances can be tricky to figure out because the symptoms depend on what foods you eat and how much.

A temporary elimination diet, where you stop eating certain foods, can also help to work out which foods you might be intolerant to. But this should only be done with the help of a doctor or dietitian, because eliminating particular foods can lead to nutritional deficiencies, especially in children.

Is there a cure?

There’s currently no cure for food allergies or intolerances. For allergies in particular, it’s important to strictly avoid allergens. This means reading food labels carefully and being vigilant when eating out.

However, researchers are studying a treatment called oral immunotherapy, which may help some people with food allergies become less sensitive to certain foods.

Building blocks for healthy self-esteem in kids

May 7, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

There is no doubt that a child’s confidence levels contribute to her school achievements and ability to fit in easily to different social situations. Feeling good about yourself is a powerful motivator to tackle the challenges offered by school and life in general.

Self-esteem has to do with a child’s own beliefs about their ability to meet expectations and achieve in ways important to them. We all have a sense of an ‘ideal self’ and having a positive self-esteem helps us to become closer to that ideal goal.

A child’s self-esteem is shaped by the way they feel about themselves but a large part relies on the perceptions and expectations of significant people in their lives, such as their parents, family members, teachers and friends.

Susan Buttross, MD, FAAP, a Developmental and Behavioural Pediatrician, describes some of the elements of a healthy self-esteem.

A sense of security and belonging. A child must feel secure about themselves and their future. Your child also needs to feel accepted and loved by others, beginning with their family and extending to groups that they view as important to them, such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, houses of worship and even their neighbourhood or community. Without this feeling of acceptance or group identity, they may feel rejected, lonely and adrift.

A sense of purpose. Your child should have goals that give them purpose and direction. Goals can provide an avenue for channeling their energy toward achievement and self-expression. If they lack a sense of purpose, they may feel bored, aimless, or resent being pushed in certain directions by you or others.

A sense of personal competence and pride. Your child should feel confident in their ability to meet challenges in their life. A sense of personal power evolves when your child has successful experiences with solving problems independently and being creative and seeing results for their efforts.

It’s important to set appropriate expectations for your child. This helps them develop competence and confidence. If you hover or overprotect them, they will likely become too dependent on you; if expectations are so high that they never succeed, they may feel powerless, defeated and incapable.

A sense of trust. Your child needs to feel trust in you and in himself or herself. To build trust with them, you should keep promises, be supportive and give your child opportunities to be trustworthy. This means treating your child as an honest and truthful person.

A sense of responsibility and contribution. Your child needs to develop a sense of importance and commitment. Give your child a chance to show what they are capable of doing. Allow them to take on tasks without being checked on all the time. This shows trust on your part, a sort of “letting go” with a sense of faith. Help them by providing opportunities to participate and contribute in a meaningful way to activities. Let your child know that they really count.

A sense of self-discipline and self-control. As your child strives to gain more independence, they need and want to feel that they can make it on their own. Give them expectations, guidelines and opportunities to test themselves. This lets them reflect, reason and problem-solve. It also lets them consider the consequences of the actions they may choose.

A sense of encouragement, support and reward. Beyond achieving goals, your child also needs positive feedback and recognition. This sends a message that they are doing well, pleasing others and “making it.”

Encourage and praise your child not only for achieving a set goal, but also for their efforts. Be sure to recognize even small changes and improvements. Give them feedback as soon as possible. This will promote a continued effort and reinforce their self-esteem and help them connect your comments to the activity involved.

A sense of accepting mistakes and failures. Your child needs to feel comfortable and supported, not defeated, when they make mistakes or fail. Explain that these setbacks are a normal part of living and learning, and that they can learn from them. Use examples from everyday life to model these skills — when you yourself make a mistake, when appropriate, share what happened with your child so they can see you move beyond it.

A sense of family self-esteem. Your child’s self-esteem first develops within the family and is influenced greatly by the feelings and perceptions that a family has of itself. Families that fare better focus on each member’s strengths. They avoid excessive criticism and stick up for each other outside the family setting. They believe in and trust each other and respect their individual differences. And they show their affection for each other and make time to be together, whether to share holidays, special events or just to have fun.

Supplied by 2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Image supplied by Freepik.

Does your child procrastinate?

Apr 30, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Adults can be said to procrastinate when they meet one of five criteria for defining procrastination: there is an intention to perform the task; the task is delayed; the delay is voluntary; the delay is unnecessary; and they are aware that this may lead to future negative outcomes.

These can’t be applied to children in different stages of development. It’s not uncommon to catch preschoolers dilly-dallying when they’re supposed to be tidying or school-aged children putting off homework for more desirable tasks.

Brock Professor of Psychology Caitlin Mahy is studying procrastination in childhood and has described children’s typical procrastination-type behaviours in various stages, beginning with preschoolers (ages two to four), who put off tasks and household routines; older preschoolers (ages five and six), who delay doing homework and household chores; primary school children (ages seven to 13), who experience an increase in academic procrastination; and high school teens (ages 14 to 18), for whom procrastination is prominent at school as competing demands on time increase.

These may be early indications of a tendency to procrastinate as adults, so it is understandable that parents may want to help children prevent forming a habit of postponing challenging tasks.

For those parents, Mahy offers these tips:

Use a “starting ritual” such as a countdown or the “Pomodoro technique,” which involves five-minute breaks after 25 minutes of doing the task.
Clear distractions, such as toys or screens, in the immediate environment.
Break down longer-term deadlines into shorter tasks and chunks of time.
Make tasks more fun to do and accomplish.

More information: Caitlin E. V. Mahy et al, Mutual implications of procrastination research in adults and children for theory and intervention, Nature Reviews Psychology (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s44159-024-00341-w

Image supplied by Freepik

Goal-directed learning: Its value for adolescents

Apr 23, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Goal-directed learning is when we experience something that motivates us to try it again. Perhaps the experience is a bad one, in which case, we might avoid a repetition. So goal-directed learning guides us to whether we want to repeat an experience.

This form of learning is particularly relevant for adolescents. Juliet Davidow, assistant professor of psychology at Northeastern University offers these insights.

The teen years is an incredible time for growth, for self-discovery and developing a sense of who one wants to be in adult life. According to an article published in Nature Reviews Neuroscience, goal-directed learning is one of the central processes happening during this period. It states that adolescents learn to perform actions that enable them to obtain desired outcomes; it is gradual experiential, trial-and-error learning.

In the past, goal-directed learning would have included such skills as hunting, foraging and child-care, but today the brain has to face the modern world and our current socio-cultural climate. It involves more abstract behaviour, such as the clicking and swiping actions needed to operate Spotify to play music than produces a desired emotion.

Teenagers learn faster than adults, especially if they are learning something that’s important to them, not something that they are told to learn. In other words, motivation is a big part of goal-directed learning and the goal needs to be something that is desired if it is going to work. A good outcome encourages the adolescent to repeat an activity.

Another important part of the learning process, besides motivation, is surprise. If an adolescent does something and the outcome is surprising, the brain will hold on to that information and do something with it. In order to be surprised, however, the person must first have an expectation, otherwise they can’t be surprised.

When something doesn’t go as expected, the brain is going to try to process why. This creates a goal-directed learning cascade, Davidow says. So, for example, parents or teachers could ask a child what they think will happen before the child tries something.

“If (the result) is surprising, it’ll make that learning stronger,” Davidow says.

Sometimes parents think their teenagers seek out risky experiences that can lead to a bad outcome, she says but that maybe because they’re looking for input. According ot Davidow, “They’re looking for an experience and it just so happens that the experiences they’re finding tend to be these risky, dangerous ones.”

Instead, she says, adults could create situations to allow their teenagers to safely explore outcomes—such as sending them off into nature with supervision.

To start a positive cycle, youngsters have to try out new things. This is the only way they will know whether trying things makes them feel good and motivate them to continue.

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