Many children face changes at the beginning of a new year. If they are starting at a new school, or changing classes at their previous one, it means that they may be faced by the challenge of making new friends.
Is it important to have friends?
The simple answer is yes! Cretchen Geng and Phillip Slee are involved in researching young people’s well-being and guiding schools on how to talk about mental health. They confirm that having good, lasting friendships is very important for children’s health, development and well-being.
Some children find it harder to make friends than others. If your child is shy or introverted they may find it hard to meet new people.
They need to know that it is OK not to be friends with everyone. They don’t have to make ten best friends all at once! Making friends takes time and even just one or two good friends can make a big difference.
To break the ice, encourage simple actions such as saying “hello” or offering a compliment: “That’s a cool backpack,” or “I like your watch.”
Help your child find activities to do with other children that they enjoy. These doesn’t have to involve formal sports but can be playing a game, doing a craft, dancing or reading. Tell them how it’s possible to be friends with lots of different kinds of people.
Talk about the importance of friendship
Glen and Slee write that research shows it’s important for parents to offer encouragement and guidance about friendships. This can lead to better quality friendships (how well friends get along) as children grow up.
Parents can start to talk to their child about the importance of friendships from a young age. Some questions parents could ask include “Who did you play with today?” “What did you like about playing with them?” and “What games did you play.”
Parents can also start conversations about the value of friends and friendship. For example, parents could ask their child about the importance of sharing with friends (“it actually feels great to share and make your friends happy”).
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Encourage your child to talk
Over time, children’s concept of friendships changes. Younger children view friends as somebody you can play with, while older children see friends as people they can trust and can share emotions and thoughts with.
Research shows that parents can also help this transition with advice and encouragement. Encourage your child to express their feelings and talk about what happens at school, so you can work through any issues or tricky things together.
This does not have to be a formal talk. You could chat while you are doing something else—like drawing, playing chess or throwing a ball.
To create a safe space for your child to freely express their feelings and emotions, avoid being judgmental or critical. Instead, ask questions, like “if you do it again, will you do it differently?” or “was that a kind decision?”
Encourage active listening
You can also encourage your child to be a good and supportive friend.
One way to do this is by being an active listener. This is about understanding what someone is saying (and possibly taking action because of it), not simply “hearing” what is said.
You can suggest your child takes a deep breath and lets the other child finish what they are trying to say, instead of interrupting and talking over people.
Active listening is a skill parents can practice with their child. Make a game and have fun doing it. Try it in the car, over the dinner table or in another informal setting.
Provided by The Conversation
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