Some children manage to keep their rooms tidy but they are probably in the minority. Most will allow toys, clothes and other assorted items to accumulate everywhere. They seem to prefer facing the wrath of a parent rather than attempting to clean up the mess.
Daily confrontations cause stress in a family but there is perhaps hope. Elizabeth Westrupp, Christiane Kehoe and Gabriella King, writing for The Conversation, offer a different way to approach this problem.
Why are many children and teens so untidy?
It seems that knowing how to efficiently organise a mess requires a certain amount of brain maturation that children and teens have not yet developed. The ability to sort out chaos and effect high-level organisational tasks is the work of a certain part of the brain that only develops in adulthood.
As with other aspects of development though, this ability can be helped to develop during childhood through practice. A child from as young as 18 months can be encouraged to help put away toys and possessions.
Why you shouldn’t just clear it up yourself
As a parent we can get caught in a cycle of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and become disconnected from our child’s perspective. For younger children, play is work—much of their learning happens as they play so cleaning up their play space may deprive them of a lesson or two..
When we interrupt their play and tidy up their masterpiece, or throw out a special object, it can break trust and feel devastating for them.
For teenagers (and even younger children), having personal space is important to develop a healthy identity and sense of control in their world.
So when parents barge into their room and move their things, this can feel like a violation.
How can you teach them about tidying up?
Have a chat with your child about tidying up at a calm moment (when you’re not asking them to clean anything). Don’t lecture but acknowledge how hard it is for them to keep a room tidy. Ask for their ideas on what might help and decide together on a regular routine (perhaps they always give their room a quick tidy before TV, or it’s a job on a certain day). Discuss what could get in the way and how you will work together.
Have fewer toys in your child’s room and a special place for these. One key is to limit the amount of toys in a child’s room. If they have to scratch through a pile of toys to find something, they will inevitably create a mess. But there are other ways of addressing the problem. Having fewer toys can make the room more appealing and organized, inspire play and creativity, and make tidying up easier.
Notice when your child is doing any kind of cleaning up and acknowledge the effort. Children love to feel noticed—we all do!
Break the task down into smaller parts for older children. For example, you could suggest that they tackle a particular area (e.g. lego blocks) rather than just saying “tidy your room.”
Be playful with younger children. Cleaning up can be a time for connection. Get them to find all the red toys first, then see how fast they can bring you any socks that need washing.
Notice how your child feels when you are asking them to tidy up. See these emotions as an opportunity for connection and guidance. For example, “It’s hard to clean up this amazing fort, you worked so hard on it and made it so cozy.” Name emotions as you go. For example, “It’s overwhelming when there is so much to clean. Are you worried about where to start?” Or problem-solve together: “What could we clean up first?”
With teenagers, use single word reminders, starting with just one thing that needs cleaning (for example, “washing?” Or “plates?”). Single word reminders allow a teen to save face and prevent battles. Watch your tone of voice and body language—try to stay warm, firm and kind.
Provided by The Conversation.
Image provided by Freepik.