Recently, I posted an article about self-regulation – which is an important milestone in the lives of children.
Self-regulation is the ability to control our emotional reaction to events and to be able to make and maintain friendships, persevere with tasks and manage the demands of school and life in general. It starts developing between the ages of three and five. Before then, we have the terrible two’s, with temper tantrums and clear signs that a child is ruled by strong feelings. Unless self-regulation develops adequately, in later years the lack shows up in inability to follow the rules of a game, becoming easily upset by setbacks, and even in adulthood, gambling, addiction and other unhealthy lifestyles may be linked to failure to control and regulate emotions.
The importance of being able to manage those feelings is clear. Natalie Day and her colleagues have been researching how parents can help children learn to regulate. Writing for The Conversation, here are their findings.
Don’t be too quick to help
Sometimes, a parent’s desire to protect and “help” their child can hamper their development.
Children experience challenges all the time—this may be opening a jar, trying to find a certain toy in their bedroom, or doing up their buttons. As parents, we are often tempted to rush in and fix the problem straight away.
It is, however, important for children’s brain development to experience and cope with challenges. When parents let children face a tricky task, they can learn to think flexibly, create solutions and persist toward the goal. It also teaches them they can handle things themselves.
Persistence when playing a game can translate to persistence when tying their shoelaces, and in time, fewer meltdowns.
What should parents do instead?
This is not to say you should ignore your child if they are very distressed and stuck up a tree, or have fallen and seriously hurt themselves.
But there are many other occasions when you can wait, or help in less obvious ways.
For example, if a child is struggling to find the right puzzle piece, parents should wait for the child to either ask for help or show visible signs of frustration.
If possible, start just by using guiding words to help, rather than taking a hands-on approach. You could try encouragement, questions, hints and suggestions to lead your child to a solution. For example, “have you tried all the pieces yet?”
Or if they are playing with Lego, parents may remind the child of their last success or ask them “what does the diagram show?”, they might give a hint such as “I sometimes need to go back some steps to find where I went wrong,” or maybe more directly, “how about we look through the steps together?”
This type of guidance means the child is still the one solving the problem.
Step up your approach
If the child is still stuck, parents can guide them in more ‘hands-on’ ways.
When struggling with a section of a puzzle, a parent may move some pieces closer to the child to draw their attention to them.
If needed, a more direct approach would be to identify the piece the child is looking for, and hand it to the child so that they can put it in and remain active in completing the task.
The child may not have the piece the right way round, so the parent should revert to using verbal guidance for encouragement or suggest turning the piece to see if it fits.
Children stay in charge
The key thing to remember is the child should be guiding your approach to helping them.
Don’t intervene without them asking you, and don’t offer full support straight away.
You can use encouragement, hints and suggestions, and then hands-on help. Keep offering your child the chance to work elements out for themselves. And know their way of solving the problem might be different from yours.
Provided by The Conversation. Read the original article.
Image supplied by Freepik.