Image by Stockking on Freepik
Left-over (residual) stress is in the background of many common problems experienced by children, including colic, poor muscle tone, and learning difficulties. How is this possible?
Stress is part of life and is not all bad. It heightens our awareness and our ability to perform. Once, we relied on our stress response to survive. When we had to dodge wild animals or marauding enemies, our automatic, instinctive action either to fight the lion or flee the battlefield helped us survive. Today we are more likely to be confronted with too much work pressure, bad traffic and daily calamities instead of lions but the stress reaction remains automatic, instinctive and powerful. Unless balanced by relief and relaxation, stress can overwhelm our bodies and minds. It can also disrupt a child’s development.
We all have our own stress threshold. This is the point where the effects of stress become overwhelmingly negative. It’s the point where children meltdown and have tantrums, where parents ‘blow their top’ and teachers ‘lose their cool’. Our instinctive reaction when reaching this threshold is to turn towards either fight or flight. A fight response launches us forward, ready to attack and defend ourselves from a perceived threat or stressor. We may scream, stamp our feet, slam the door. A flight response sends us running (physically, mentally or emotionally) away from the stressor. We may close ourselves in a room, get drunk, sleep, eat compulsively. We can also deny our feelings and tell ourselves that ‘It doesn’t matter to me.”
Normally, such reactions are short-lived and we quickly regain our balance and composure. But every stressful incident moves us a little closer to our stress threshold, making us more vulnerable to stress overload. Compared to adults, children may be more likely to function close to their stress threshold. Children and teenagers have ‘mood swings’ and temper tantrums more often and more visibly.
Part of the physiological reaction to stress is the creation of a biochemical memory of the stress state which means that the body is more ready than ever to respond to the next stressful situation. This means that being repeatedly subject to stress can accumulate the effects. It is especially negative if there is no clear stressor or understanding of the source of the stress. If we can successfully run away from the lion or defeat the enemy, the result is ease and relaxation after the event. If we are unaware of the nature of the stressors, as are young children faced with stressful learning environments, excitement and energy in the face of challenging stressors become anxiety and dysfunction.
The fight or flight response should be short and intense, soon followed by a peaceful state. But if stressful situations are too frequent, or if stress is internalized and not released, the survival state becomes the norm. Over time, problems develop with digestion, sleep cycles, the immune system, learning, social interactions and general well-being. Physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches and tearfulness appear. Children often adapt to stress in age-specific ways. Infants become fussy, grumpy, irritable and restless. Toddlers may be angry, rebellious, distrustful, and temperamental. A school-aged child may become frustrated, aggressive, hateful and cruel. Over time, children who are victims of excessive stress are more prone to accidents, serious illness, violence, addiction and learning difficulties and disabilities.
Learning disabilities are the most common, and most misunderstood, stress-related problems for children. Stress can impair a child’s ability to receive or respond to sensory information, can disrupt the process of learning to function and may interfere with the development of motor skills. If a child’s body can’t function automatically and requires a mental effort to keep it in balance, the brain is too occupied with lower level functioning to be able to use the higher, cognitive levels needed for intellectual growth.
Parents may unintentionally teach children to ignore, suppress or deny their feelings. Instead of helping children work through their fears and concerns, they are told not to be ‘clingy’, to ‘act your age’, ‘big kids don’t cry’ and ‘don’t worry, you’ll feel better later.’
Instead, children need help understanding the effects of stress and the tools to retreat from a position near their personal stress threshold before extended stress causes serious problems.
- Children need a stable home environment. Stressors sometimes present in a child’s environment that may interfere with their security include pollution, food additives, loud music, weather and allergies. Even household clutter, tight schedules and anxious parents can stress children. Instead, they need consistent routines, reasonable discipline measures and stable family relationships.
- Good role models. Children learn best by example so look at your own reactions to stress and perhaps try to reduce stress in your life. Your children should be your priority.
- Children need to learn healthy ways of responding to anger, fear and pain. Older children can learn how muscle tone, thoughts and feelings are related to stress. Good strategies for stress management can be taught. Currently the focus on Mindfulness is proving helpful for children and parents – especially if practiced together.
In my own experience as an ILT practitioner, children who experience persistent problems at school for whatever reason are usually stressed. If they find learning difficult because of some underlying cause, their stress in class is magnified because they find traditional teaching methods unhelpful. It’s incredibly frustrating to constantly face classwork that is beyond your capabilities and to know you’re falling behind, not meeting the teacher’s expectations, will have to ‘catch up’ on unfinished, misunderstood work at home, be considered ‘different’ from classmates and generally feel inferior. Such children learn to avoid painful, frustrating and difficult situations by teasing other children, or being a general nuisance in class. They often develop complex coping mechanisms and may become the class bully, the class clown, or the hypochondriac.
These are the children who are living dangerously close to their stress threshold. Fight or flight responses become part of everyday life. The tension that goes with this interferes with their ability to take in new information and stifles their desire to learn. It affects their curiosity, attentiveness, self-confidence, physical coordination and other basic qualities all essential for learning.
So be aware that learning difficulties are often a result of stress and that the learning difficulties, in turn, create additional stress. Don’t diagnose the child’s learning problems too quickly and overlook the role that stress may be playing.
[1][1] With thanks to Shirley Randolph and Margot Heiniger, authors of Kids learn from the inside out. Published by Legendary Publishing Company, Boise, Idaho.