My child has stolen something - Why? | Integrated Learning Therapy

We all know that it’s wrong to take something that doesn’t belong to you but many young children may commit this offence. Let’s consider why they may do this.

Natalie Gately and Shane Rogers, writing for The Conversation, remind us that we should first consider how old the child is.

When do we develop a sense of ownership?

Very young children don’t understand the concept of owning something. If they see something they want, they are likely to simply take it. It seems that children develop a sense of ‘owning’ something at about two years of age but only fully develop an understanding of the ownership rights of others between the ages of three to five years.

Helping a child between these ages understand the rights of others to own something involves modelling a respect for other’s property. Don’t boast about bringing stationery home from work, or bragging about getting away with something you didn’t pay for!

Why does an older child steal?

Before reacting to a stealing offence,it’s important to consider why a child has stolen. This is because it may not necessarily indicate a lack of morality in the child.

Some young children with low impulse control might steal for immediate gratification especially if the item is not considered valuable. They might think it’s only a sweet, or a biscuit or two, no one will notice.

Others may lack the ability to imagine that anyone would be cross or disappointed if they took another person’s belongings.

Bored children may steal simply for a sense of excitement or to gain attention.

Another important aspect is whether they steal alone or with peers. Children may steal out of mischief due to peer pressure or to impress their friends.

Children who come from impoverished backgrounds may steal to obtain items they can’t afford. The item may be particularly valued within their peer group, or it may be the latest fad item everyone else in the group has.

Some children may steal to gain attention from adults or peers. Or there may be emotional or psychological issues and the child uses stealing as a method of coping.

From this, you can see that stealing may be a symptom of a child struggling with deeper problems. In this case, the child needs help in addressing the underlying cause of their behaviour and find constructive ways to cope with their emotions and needs.

What should I do if my child steals something?

Here are some steps parents and caregivers can take:

Stay calm and avoid overreacting.Approach the situation calmly. Shouting or punishing children harshly can make them more likely to steal again in the future.
Talk to the child.Ask them why they stole and listen to their response. Try to understand what motivated them to steal and address any underlying issues. Explain why stealing is wrong and the consequences it can have.
Tell them stealing is wrong.It’s important to teach children the importance of honesty and trust. Explain how stealing can break trust between people and damage relationships.
Remove the goods, if possible.Make sure they don’t benefit from the theft or keep any goods. Sometimes parents may decide not to return goods for fear of the consequences, but your child should not be able to keep the goods.
Set clear consequences.Make sure they understand there are consequences to their actions. This could include returning the stolen item, apologizing to the person they stole from, and completing chores or community service to make amends.
Avoid scare tactics.Don’t threaten to tell the police or continually label them as naughty, a thief or bad person. Once you have dealt with it, avoid bringing it up again.
Monitor their behavior.Keep an eye on your child’s behavior in the future to ensure they aren’t stealing again. Praise them when they make good choices and show honesty.
Seek professional help.If your child’s behavior continues or escalates, it may be necessary to seek professional help from a psychologistwho specializes in working with children.

Content provided by The Conversation

Image provided by Freepik

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Martin Doherty, writing for The Conversation, says that at the age of about four, children reach important milestones in brain development.

One of these is a huge improvement in understanding others’ thoughts and feelings. This is the start of empathy. Another is in spatial thinking—understanding how objects are positioned and related. This is the beginning of the ability to read maps.

Martin and his colleague, Catherine Sayer, conducted a study with 175 two to five-year-olds to explore how children are able to use scale models to figure out where something is in the real world. At about four, children are able to use a scale model of a room to work out where something is. We thought that this might result from children’s understanding of how one thing can represent something else. But we actually found that four-year-olds’ ability to use scale models came from their spatial abilities.

At the same age, children start to understand that someone’s behaviour is due to what that person believes, not necessarily what is really the case. This has interesting consequences.

If you’ve played hide-and-seek with young children, you may have noticed that they aren’t always very good at it. They love the ritual of looking in all the wrong places first, but beforehand they may tell you where they are going to hide, hide in the same place every time, or not be especially hidden.

After their fourth birthday, they get much better at hide and seek. They understand that the seeker looks in the wrong places because they don’t know where the hider is.

At about three to four children also start to tell lies. They realize they can make someone believe something that isn’t true.

Understanding symbols

Martin’s earlier research with fellow psychologist Josef Perner suggests that four-year-olds don’t just start to understand how others’ minds work. Figuring this out is part of the development of an understanding of “representation”—that symbols, like thoughts, words, or pictures, can be used to stand for something else.

Children start to think about how words relate to objects. This means, for instance, knowing that “animal” can refer to something you already have a name for, such as “rabbit”. This might help children learn the new word.

Their ability to use a understand the components of pictures also improves around this age. Very young children use a lot of trial and error to complete a jigsaw, picking up random pieces to see if they fit. By the time they are about four years old, they start to use the picture as a guide, trying to connect lines and match bits of colour, while checking the guide picture on the box lid.

Developmental experiments

Another ability children develop at around four is using scale models. A classic set of developmental experiments involved a model of a regular household room. The real room had typical furniture—sofa, table, cupboard and so on—and the model had miniature versions laid out in the same way.

Children were shown where something was hidden in the model and told to find an object hidden in “the same place” in the room. Children of around four can find the object using the identical layouts. If shown a sticker under a particular chair in the model room, for example, they can go straight to the “same” chair in the other room. This is the fundamental understanding required to read maps.

Adults see scale models and maps as representations. Maps represent a town or a country. A scale model of, say, the Eiffel Tower represents the real thing. At first, Martin suspected children’s ability to use scale models is more evidence of understanding representation at this age.

He was wrong. Instead, the researchers found that this ability is based on a development in children’s spatial abilities that also occurs at about four. This is the ability to think about spaces and where objects are within them. Spatial abilities help with maths skills, and good spatial ability is linked to an interest in science, technology, engineering and mathematics.

Their experiment was simple. They compared the model room task with a test of understanding how representation works. The two abilities develop around the same age, but they found they were not related. Children who could do one task couldn’t necessarily do the other.

They also had a test of purely spatial ability. Children who passed the model room task also passed the spatial task. So it looks like the model room task relied on children‘s spatial thinking.

They don’t yet know why two important but apparently unrelated abilities arise at the same time. Perhaps it’s related to changes in the growing brain at this interesting age.

Provided by The Conversation.

Image supplied by Freepik.