There is a widespread tendency to use words to label children.  How often haven’t you referred to a child as ‘clever’, ‘naughty’, ‘lazy’, etc.  We might think that we are helping them recognise their attributes or deficits but in fact, we could be holding them back.

Monteserrat Gutiérrez and Paula Carvacho writing for The Conversation, say that there is a delicate balance between encouraging and uplifting a child and damaging their self-esteem.  We need to be so careful of how our words affect the children who hear them.

Labelling

The term labelling generally refers to how we classify or describe the identity of people who deviate from what is considered normal or appropriate.  Whether positive or negative, a label implicitly judges how far a person strays from the expectations of a society.

How does labelling impact on development?

We generally consider labels to fall into one of two categories: positive or negative. Negative labels obviously can influence a child’s perception of themselves.  If a child is constantly told that they are ‘stupid’, ‘slow’, ‘useless’ and so on, they will come to believe that these are permanent traits.  It will be very difficult to change their self-beliefs at a later stage. 

Over time, their self-beliefs can affect their behaviour and personality, ultimately leading to a negative self-esteem and feelings of inferiority.

On the other hand, positive labels can be just as bad.  Calling a child ‘clever’ means that we emphasise their achievements and connect their intrinsic worth with their performance.  This may mean that a drop in performance might lead them to believe that they have dropped in their value as a person.

In this light, it might be a mistake to believe that constant praise in terms of positive labelling will give children a boost of self-esteem.  A child used to thinking they get good marks at school because they are clever, for example, may end up with a fear of failure, and be more prone to frustration and overexerting themselves.

How then do we convey the message that something has been done well, or that we think an action or behaviour is commendable? The key lies in linking labels to the process rather than the outcome, especially in academic settings. We can, for example, show our pleasure or admiration with the degree of involvement or effort that a child invested in a task, rather than the mark achieved.

Labels may define what we become

Labels have the power to define what an individual will become. They directly impact our beliefs about our abilities, meaning an individual, once labelled, will expect the same outcome from themselves in similar situations.  For example, a child who grows up to hear that they are ‘hopeless at maths’ will be reluctant to tackle figure-based tasks even as an adult.  In this way, labels become self-fulfilling prophecies.

The Pygmalion effect

In psychology, the Pygmalion effect refers to the potential influence that one individual’s belief—often a teacher, parent or leader—can have on another’s performance. This phenomenon can be observed when repeated labels are internalized by an individual, becoming part of their reality that is then taken for granted.

There seems to be a link between labelling a child and this effect.  If a child’s behaviour or beliefs are based on external judgements of who they are, they will end up confirming and reinforcing them through their behaviour and expectations of themselves.

Keep in mind the power of words

We need to resist describing and categorising children by their abilities or personal traits. Instead, we can address children’s issues in a way more supportive of their healthy development. 

For example, a child may struggle to keep their room tidy. Instead of saying “you’re so untidy,” we can offer to help them organise or tidy up, or say something along the lines of “try and tidy your room, I’m sure you can handle it but let me know if you need a hand.”

We can also highlight a person’s unique worth by statements such as “you are special to me”. If we want to tell a child they are good at a particular task without rewarding mere obedience we can say something like “I love how much effort you put into doing that” or “I saw you sharing toys with your friend, that was nice of you.” Instead of saying “you’re talented” we can say “I can tell you like drawing. Would you like to try out some new techniques or colours?”

Importantly, praise and positive reinforcement should come at the same time that the action happens: by giving immediate recognition we reinforce the connection between a behaviour and its positive response. In this way, praise or rewards are linked to the action itself, and not to the child’s identity, personality or intrinsic worth.

Provided by The Conversation 

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