Children need to feel securely attached to parents or caregivers. Attachment Theory is concerned with the strong emotional bond that children develop with those who care for them and stresses the importance of a positive attachment for good academic achievement, the ability to learn efficiently, social development, emotional regulation and a general sense of well-being in children.

Clearly we would all want our children to feel securely attached but how do we achieve this? Audrey-Ann Deneault and Sheri Madigan, writing for The Conversation, confirmed in a recent study that when parents’ behaviour shows more sensitivity to children’s needs, their child is far more likely to develop secure attachment.

Being present and attentive

Throughout the growing years, children face different situations where they need support from their parents. For example, infants may cry because they are hungry, uncomfortable or afraid of something. Older children may scrape their knee falling off their bike or fear a monster under the bed. A sensitive parent will notice when their child needs attention and responds promptly to comfort and reassure the child.

An insensitive parent may not notice that their child is in need, or may not feel the need to support them. This could happen for multiple reasons. Their attention may be drawn elsewhere: they may be preoccupied with work or personal issues or their phones; they may also have a history of being insensitively parented and lack the knowledge and skills to recognize and respond to their child’s cues effectively.

Being sensitive fosters trust and security
Their study, published in Psychological Bulletin, highlights how sensitive and responsive parenting behaviours are key ingredients to achieving secure attachment for children of all ages and both genders.

Sensitive behaviours teach children that they can rely on their parent in moments of need and trust them to help, which fosters secure attachment.
Children’s sense of secure attachment with their parents or first caregivers is also the foundation for relationships with many other caregivers as children grow up, such as grandparents and teachers.

Many people may think of mothers when it comes to comforting a distressed child. However, their study emphasises that sensitive parenting matters for mothers and fathers alike. Being able to recognize and respond to a child’s needs is about being attentive and caring for the child, and this can be achieved by any caregiver.

Strategies to be more sensitive

Here are four strategies to help you be more sensitive.

1. Recognize children’s signals. Try to watch children and pick up on their signals of interest or need. Children signal their needs differently based on their age. For example, babies cry, whimper or grimace to signal their needs. Babies also babble to show their interest in making sounds and to have those sounds be repeated back to them. Older children may cry, openly state their needs or refer to physical symptoms that may signal needs. It’s important to remember that all children are different, and it may take some time and patience to recognize each child’s specific signals.

2. Respond to children’s signals. Once you recognize the child’s signals, respond. It’s like playing a game of tennis—when a child cries or babbles, they are serving the ball. Your job is to watch that ball, and then respond by returning that serve back over the net. This back and forth exchange, often called “serve and return” interactions, fosters secure attachment and positive child development.

3. Respect children’s pace. It’s important to let the child take the lead. Allow the child set the pace and direction when you interact with them. For example, a small child might want to stop and inspect every rock or flower on a short walk, which might seem slow or dull to a parent, but is a fascinating adventure to a small child whose brain is rapidly developing. By letting children take the lead during play, encouraging their exploration and commenting on what they are interested in, you are helping them understand their world better.

4. Be kind to yourself. Caregivers can sometimes experience pressure to be the “perfect parent.” However, it can sometimes be difficult to respond sensitively when we are feeling stressed or pulled in all directions. So, while we aim for consistency in our caregiving responses, it’s also important to be kind to ourselves and understand that we are human too.

Provided by The Conversation.
Image provided by Freepik.