The ‘Lost and Found’ bin at most schools overflow with lost or forgotten items, ranging from school shoes to lunch boxes. Even more importantly, some children’s homework is left behind on the table instead of being in a schoolbag. This is frustrating for everybody, but why do children forget their things, and what can be done about it? Celia Harris and Penny Van Bergen discuss this and give tips in The Conversation.
Children’s brains are developing
However, doing everything for your child robs them of an opportunity to learn.
Children are constantly using and developing their memory skills—remembering where they put things, new knowledge learned at school and at home, and routines required for the day-to-day. In order to remember where they leave things and what needs to be done later required the development of Prospective memory. This involves remembering to do things in the future, and is a particularly challenging skills. An example would be to remember to give a teacher’s note to parents after school.
In order utilise prospective memory, children have to use several thought processes. They must pay attention to what is needed (“I must drink water during break”) and then form and store a particular intention to act in the future (“I need to take my water bottle with me to school”).
Then, they must bring the intention back to mind at the crucial moment (putting the bottle into their schoolbag before they leave the house).
This “remembering to remember” requires memory to spontaneously occur at just the right time, without prompts or reminders.
These processes all require a higher-order cognitive skill known as “executive function,” which is the ability to consciously control our attention and memory and to engage in challenging thinking tasks. It is a high-level cognitive ability and one that develops fairly slowly during childhood, which is why lost articles are so common during this time.
How can I help my child?
Do build routines and stick to them. Research shows routines help children develop cognitive skills and self-regulation. Children are best able to remember a routine when it is “automatized”—practiced often enough they know it without thinking.
Do promote “metacognition”: an awareness about one’s own cognitive processes. Research suggests children are over-optimistic about their likelihood of remembering successfully. Parents and teachers can help them to notice when remembering is hard and put in strategies that help.
Do model the behaviour you want to see. For example, you might set up your own lists and strategies to help you remember daily tasks. You could also have a family routine of “bags by the door” and checking them the night before. Don’t do it for them, do it together.
Do seek professional support if you’re worried. All children will forget sometimes, and some more than others.
What should I not do—and why?
Don’t rely on children being able to spontaneously self-initiate memory—that’s the hardest part of prospective memory! Instead, use checklists and memory aids. For instance, if they are consistently leaving their drink bottle at school, you could put a tag on their bag that says “where is your drink bottle?” Using prompts isn’t cheating—it’s supporting success.
Don’t sweat the slip-ups—these are normal. One study with 3- to 5-year-old children found incentives in the form of food treats weren’t enough to improve performance. Punishing is also unlikely to help. Instead, use instances of forgetting as teachable moments—strategize about how to adjust next time.
Don’t leave things too late. Anxiety and stress can make forgetting more likely, because children can easily become overwhelmed. Pack bags the night before, practice new routines, and avoid rushing where possible.
Don’t judge. Prospective memory failures are sometimes perceived as character flaws, particularly when they affect other people (such as when forgetting to return a borrowed item).
Understanding how memory works, however, helps reveal that forgetfulness is an everyday part of development.
Provided by The Conversation
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