I'm a Teacher | Integrated Learning Therapy

Why does my child always forget and lose things?

Aug 6, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

The ‘Lost and Found’ bin at most schools overflow with lost or forgotten items, ranging from school shoes to lunch boxes. Even more importantly, some children’s homework is left behind on the table instead of being in a schoolbag. This is frustrating for everybody, but why do children forget their things, and what can be done about it? Celia Harris and Penny Van Bergen discuss this and give tips in The Conversation.

Children’s brains are developing

However, doing everything for your child robs them of an opportunity to learn.

Children are constantly using and developing their memory skills—remembering where they put things, new knowledge learned at school and at home, and routines required for the day-to-day. In order to remember where they leave things and what needs to be done later required the development of Prospective memory. This involves remembering to do things in the future, and is a particularly challenging skills. An example would be to remember to give a teacher’s note to parents after school.

In order utilise prospective memory, children have to use several thought processes. They must pay attention to what is needed (“I must drink water during break”) and then form and store a particular intention to act in the future (“I need to take my water bottle with me to school”).

Then, they must bring the intention back to mind at the crucial moment (putting the bottle into their schoolbag before they leave the house).

This “remembering to remember” requires memory to spontaneously occur at just the right time, without prompts or reminders.

These processes all require a higher-order cognitive skill known as “executive function,” which is the ability to consciously control our attention and memory and to engage in challenging thinking tasks. It is a high-level cognitive ability and one that develops fairly slowly during childhood, which is why lost articles are so common during this time.

How can I help my child?

Do build routines and stick to them. Research shows routines help children develop cognitive skills and self-regulation. Children are best able to remember a routine when it is “automatized”—practiced often enough they know it without thinking.

Do promote “metacognition”: an awareness about one’s own cognitive processes. Research suggests children are over-optimistic about their likelihood of remembering successfully. Parents and teachers can help them to notice when remembering is hard and put in strategies that help.

Do model the behaviour you want to see. For example, you might set up your own lists and strategies to help you remember daily tasks. You could also have a family routine of “bags by the door” and checking them the night before. Don’t do it for them, do it together.

Do seek professional support if you’re worried. All children will forget sometimes, and some more than others.

What should I not do—and why?

Don’t rely on children being able to spontaneously self-initiate memory—that’s the hardest part of prospective memory! Instead, use checklists and memory aids. For instance, if they are consistently leaving their drink bottle at school, you could put a tag on their bag that says “where is your drink bottle?” Using prompts isn’t cheating—it’s supporting success.

Don’t sweat the slip-ups—these are normal. One study with 3- to 5-year-old children found incentives in the form of food treats weren’t enough to improve performance. Punishing is also unlikely to help. Instead, use instances of forgetting as teachable moments—strategize about how to adjust next time.

Don’t leave things too late. Anxiety and stress can make forgetting more likely, because children can easily become overwhelmed. Pack bags the night before, practice new routines, and avoid rushing where possible.

Don’t judge. Prospective memory failures are sometimes perceived as character flaws, particularly when they affect other people (such as when forgetting to return a borrowed item).

Understanding how memory works, however, helps reveal that forgetfulness is an everyday part of development.

Provided by The Conversation

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Learners who strugle: are they ‘slow learners’

Jul 30, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

One definition of intelligence is that it is the ability to react to or to interact with the environment or with thoughts and ideas. This becomes possible by the interaction between the trillions of brain cells (neurons) we have. Some children have the same number of neurons as everyone else but the communication or interaction between the neurons is inefficient. Think of a traffic jam. There is nothing wrong with the road network nor damage to the actual road. The frustrating inability to drive on results from the fact that the traffic can’t flow normally.

In the same way, disorganisation in neural networks results in the brain cells being unable to react or function as well as they could. The messages needed are unable to travel along the neural pathways to reach their destination quickly and easily. In terms of intelligence, it means, in effect, that the child has potential but is unable to access it. Many such children have average to above average intellectual ability. They don’t have brain dysfunctions or intellectual slowness. Instead, their learning difficulties are a symptom of a neurodevelopmental disruption or an environmental offender that has impacted on brain function.

Neurodevelopmental irregularities don’t mean that the child is necessarily affected in all areas. She might be very capable in some specific areas and amazingly challenged in others.

Many teachers and parents only realise there is a problem when the child begins formal learning. Of course this problem can be made worse if the child comes from an environment that offers no stimulation or much interaction with others. Apart from this, if all else is normal, a perceived learning problem can be the result of a neurodevelopmental delay or disorganized neural processing. Many learners compensate for their problems in some way – often by working really hard. Others begin to show behaviour problems. The fact remains that the problems won’t improve with age so professional help at the right age can be of tremendous help.

Very often teachers suggest to parents that the symptoms they observe may warrant the attention of a neurologist. These doctors are often unable to pinpoint any causes because they focus on brain damage and diseases of the brain. These are seldom found to be present in struggling learners. Other professionals at hand to help teachers, for example, Educational Psychologists, are not trained in neurodevelopment and have limited resources to help such learners. Sometimes parents believe that a problem is inherited. This may be so, but it doesn’t mean the child can’t be helped. Very often, Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) practitioners find that the parent who reports similar learning problems experiences improvement if they follow the same therapeutic techniques that are given to the child.

Here is a list of some of the symptoms typically shown by learners who may be in need of neurodevelopmental help:

A history of not crawling
Delayed or skipped developmental stages
Problems tying shoelaces, making a knot, riding a bicycle
Uncoordinated running and walking
Clumsiness
Doesn’t play as capably as others; doesn’t always know how to react to other children
May be more inclined to break toys; has accidents
Poor language development
Poor listening skills
Poor pronounciation
Can’t colour between the lines
Difficulties doing jigsaw puzzles
Can’t use a scissors accurately
May be hyperactive
May be sensitive to touch, light or sounds
Struggle with reading, writing and/or maths
Show social problems – has difficulty making friends
Poor pencil control – often pushes hard
Can’t switch from one task to another
Slow to accomplish tasks
Attention easily diverted by noises, lights and friends
Tends to seek out movement – moves around the classroom
Has meltdowns – shows a quick temper
Poor self-esteem; thinks he is stupid and bad

Neurodevelopmental problems would be easier to identify and treat if the problem was the same with each child. Instead, every child shows individual shortcomings, challenges and symptoms. The important thing is that educators must be on the alert to any symptoms that may indicate the need for help. Not all children show all the known symptoms of underlying conditions. Some might show very few. As a rule of thumb, it would be wise to double check a child’s neurodevelopmental status as soon as you suspect that all is not as it should be. If no neurodevelopmental issues emerge from a screening session, then it would be time to look elsewhere.

The bottom line is that most normal children should be able to cope with the demands of schooling. Their learning problems are far more likely to be rooted in irregular development or some influence from their environment that can be treated and corrected. Unless the child has a serious mental condition, such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or a recognised intellectual deficiency, intellectual level is seldom to blame for their learning problem.

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How can I help my child eat a healthier diet?

Jul 23, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Some children eat only processed foods, like breakfast cereals, fish fingers, chicken nuggets chips and so on. It’s a battle to get them to eat anything fresher or more wholesome. But they’re not alone – this is happening in many homes around the world.

If this applies to you, here are some ideas from Nick Fuller, writing for The Conversation, about why children prefer these foods and what you can do about it.

Processed foods

Processed foods are any foods altered from their natural state.

While some food processing is beneficial—such as pasteurizing milk to kill bacteria—the ones that cause parents concern are ultra-processed foods, which use industrial methods to enhance flavour, texture and shelf life by adding sugars, salt, fats and artificial flavours, colours and preservatives. These are the fast and junk foods that children love but which offer low-to-no nutritional value.

But others hide in plain sight, disguised as “healthy” convenience foods such as flavoured yogurts and muffins.

Why do children find processed foods so appealing?

Our biology

Ultra-processed foods are engineered to be addictive, with their added sugar, salt and fat activating the brains’ reward system, releasing feelgood chemicals. Humans naturally seek sugar- and fat-rich foods to avoid starvation so we are hard-wired to like these foods.

Food fussiness

Many children will experience a fussy eating phase—another survival response inherited from our ancestors, who avoided toxins by developing an aversion to unfamiliar and bitter foods.

Fussy eaters also favour ultra-processed foods, such as chicken nuggets, chips and breakfast cereals, because they’re familiar and non-threatening, often beige like breastmilk and children’s first solid foods. Also their blander flavours don’t overwhelm developing tastebuds.

Advertising

From YouTube ads to eye-level supermarket displays, children are incessantly exposed to marketing that makes them crave—and demand—ultra-processed foods.

How processed foods impact health

Ultra-processed foods can impact children’s health in a range of ways, contributing to:

nutritional deficiencies. Children filling up on ultra-processed foods are less likely to eat vegetables, fruits, whole grains and lean meats, producing a diet lacking in fibre and other key nutrients needed for growth and development
childhood obesity. Ultra-processed foods are high in calories, unhealthy sugars, salt and fat, and often lack portion control, promoting overeating
increased risk of diseases. Long-term overconsumption of ultra-processed foods is linked with a higher risk of developing a range of chronic diseases, including heart disease, type 2 diabetes and cancer.

Unhealthy eating habits can be hard to break, but positive diet and lifestyle changes—even later in childhood—can reverse these negative health effects.

Science-based tips for healthier eating habits

Eat together

Family mealtimes allow you to model healthy eating. Sit together around the table, share the same meal, and put devices away so everyone’s attention is on eating.

Introduce foods carefully

Research shows children need eight to ten exposures before they willingly eat new foods. So offer them regularly, encourage tasting and don’t pressure them to eat.

While it’s tempting, avoid offering dessert as a reward for trying something healthy. Using treats as a reward increases children’s preference for unhealthy foods.

Children are also more likely to try new foods when they’re hungry, so avoid snacks one to preferably two hours before mealtimes.

Introduce variety to family favourites

Children are more open to trying new foods when there’s something familiar on their plate.

So, tweak family favourites by swapping ingredients, such as using lentils instead of beef in bolognese or roasting carrots to make “orange chippies.” Grating veggies into sauces also expands kids’ diets without overwhelming them.

Make food fun

Children respond positively when healthy foods are presented in fun ways, so include different colours, textures and shapes on their plate to hold their interest.

Changing meal locations—and enjoying an occasional outdoor picnic—is another simple way to make mealtimes feel special and fun.

Teach kids about the science of food

Teaching children in an age-appropriate way about the foods we eat promotes healthier eating, so:

encourage them to grow herbs and veggies so they understand where healthy foodcomes from: toddlers can harvest produce; older children can plant and prune
visit the greengrocer, fishmonger and butcher regularly so children can see and explore the healthy foods on offer
talk to toddlers about food in energy terms: “eating wholegrain toast helps you play longer”
share fun facts with older children: “fish has a special type of fat called omega-3 that makes us smarter.”

Involve children in cooking

Spark children’s interest in healthy meals by involving them in food preparation. Let them choose recipes and take on age-appropriate tasks such as mixing and chopping.

When children help make a meal, they feel proud of their effort, and research shows they’re more likely to try what they’ve created.

It takes a few monnths to form a habit, so expect resistance along the way. But with perseverance, we can shift children’s love of processed foods toward healthier choices, helping them establish healthy eating habits for life.

Provided by The Conversation

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Does your child refuse to wear warm clothing in winter?

Jul 16, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Its cold outside but your toddler is insisting on wearing a summer dress without a jersey. Why?

Part of the reluctance to wear the warm clothes you’ve taken out is their growing sense of independence. Between the ages of two and five years, children are developing a sense of self and independence. Choosing their own clothes is a way they have to control decision-making. Allowing them to decide on what to wear is not always comfortable for parents but it does help to build their confidence and hone their decision-making skills.

That’s all very well, but it’s freezing outside!

Remember that some children seem impervious to the cold, especially if they are very active. If they don’t show physical signs of discomfort or the effect of cold, like patches of red, swollen rashes, then give them leeway to decide how to dress. It isn’t a matter of health as a low temperature doesn’t cause them to catch cold. Colds are brought on by a virus, not being cold.

Other children avoid warmer clothing because of its texture and weight. Heavy, rough textures might cause sensory overload in children who experience sensory sensitivity. In these cases, making sure soft, light clothing is worn beneath scratchy or tickly jerseys.

If they begin a winter outing without warm covering and later complain of being cold, be sure not to comment in a way that might make them feel shame. Rather treat this as a lesson – and remind them that warm clothes might be necessary in cold weather.

So remember that clothing choice is part of healthy development. In cases where a child shows other areas of defiance accompanied by irritability, argumentativeness and defiance towards adults, the help of a psychologist might be needed.

Content attributed to Kelly Scott for ABC, writing for RNZ.

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Behaviour is a window to the brain

Jul 9, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

These days, we are all too aware of how the foods we eat, the air we breathe and our activity level affects the way our brains function. The way the brain is affected can be seen in our behaviour – and children who struggle with learning tasks or behaving appropriately are showing that their brains are not functionally optimally.

Too many such children are labelled with supposed disorders which are then treated with prescribed medications. Too often the labels are inaccurate and the medications unnecessary. Many practitioners working with these children believe that a less harsh approach, one that will not do damage to a child’s nervous system, is wiser. It is also sometimes more helpful than the overused starting place of having a serious, mind-altering drug given to a child as though it held no more risks than a Smartie.

For example, many children with learning problems suffer from allergies. Not all allergies present as a rash. A child will often experience headaches, leg pains, digestive disorders, muscle spasms or bedwetting. Dark circles under the eyes are also a telltale sign – and not always the result of a late night. Wheat, milk, eggs, sugar, peanuts, oranges and chocolate are common allergen foods. Very often, the child will crave the foods to which he or she has an allergy.

You can try a simple method to recognise allergens by taking a child’s pulse before and ten minutes after eating a suspected food. An elevation of 10 or more counts per minute in pulse reflects a probable allergen.

Parasites or bacteria are sometimes the culprits that may increase allergies. Candida Albicans (a yeast overgrowth in the gut) is often indicated when the child shows general ill-health and listlessness accompanied by disinterest in and aversion to sitting down and getting on with schoolwork.

Such children may be more sensitive to pollutants, food additives and preservatives, food colouring and dyes. These environmental offenders put the respiratory system in distress and the lack of proper oxygen to the brain can manifest as hyperactivity and unmanageable behaviours.

It may take some time to investigate the underlying causes of learning challenges but it is critical to do so. Once the source is discovered and addressed, the body has a marvellous ability to create balance and heal. The brain is plastic enough to be able to restore function and the reward is seeing a child achieve a calmness, purpose and a growing sense of confidence in himself.

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Why do some children struggle to read?

Jul 2, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Why are there so many bright and hard-working children in our schools that aren’t learning to read as they should? Interestingly, if you read something to them, giving them information through their ears, they understand. But when you give them the same words to read or to absorb through their eyes, they fail. Reading problems seem different from hearing or understanding problems, yet it is the same brain showing these differences in ability.

Our brains are ultimately responsible for us being able to read. If a child struggles to make sense of written words, surely it must be related to problems in some or other area of the brain. Is this true and if so, which brain areas are not functioning as they should?[1]

Essentially, reading needs a brain

That can change light waves into electro-chemical impulses through the visual system
That has organized, adequately insulted neural networks through which the electro-chemical impulses can travel efficiently
With an area where storage, retrieval and decoding of information can take place efficiently.

Which of these might help us understand why reading problems occur?

If a child can look at a cow and recognise it as a cow, he perceives it. This means that he interprets the image correctly as being a cow. The light waves from the cow are changed to electro-chemical impulses by the retina in the eye, then pass on to the brain. If there is no conflicting information coming in from the cow, the child will perceive a cow. Children with reading problems have no problem recognising objects. In essence, they can read all the physical things in their environment; they have no trouble recognising and perceiving actual objects.

If we show him a picture of those objects he recognise the pictures quite easily. He can, in essence, ‘read’ the pictures. Pictures aren’t real objects but are symbols which stand for the objects but they are closely related to the objects. The picture of a cow is easily related to a cow because the picture (the symbol) represents what an actual cow looks like.

If a child with a reading problem easily recognises a cow when he sees one, and he easily recognises a picture of a cow, why can’t he recognise the written word ‘cow’? What is there about written words which make them different from the real thing or from pictures? The problem seems to be one of language.

Language is a man-made code, composed of symbols that have no meaning in themselves. The word ‘cow’ is a symbol with no relation to the way an actual cow appears to the eye or brain.

To be able to use the code, we first have to memorise the meaning assigned to each symbol. If either the memory of the symbol or the memory of its assigned meaning is forgotten, the code breaks down. Thus, storage of both the symbol and its meaning is essential to memory. We know that language is stored in the left brain hemisphere. This means that language and decoding functions needs organized ‘wiring’ or neural pathways that convey information to this area. Any scrambling of the network due to shorted wires, inadequate connections cause a breakdown in transmitting the electrical messages.

Once the symbol and its meaning have been stored, we have to be able to retrieve it. Decoding needs a storehouse from which information is easily retrieved. Poor storage in the brain slows down the process of retrieval of information; children who suffer from this slow-down might speak more slowly, or read more slowly. If incoming information is stored in an excessively disordered way, then we have a reading problem.

Following this analysis, it seems that reading problems can be the result of lack of development of the nervous system, especially if underdevelopment results in undecided or cross-dominance.

Confirmation of this theory comes by looking at other, sometimes subtle, signs of brain underdevelopment that children with reading problems commonly share. Some of these include

Problems with coordination. They seem to lack grace when walking and running, often have a history of skipping crawling or cannot crawl smoothly without concentrating on doing so
Early problems with deciding hand, foot and eye dominance, and showing uncertain dominance after the age of 6 years
Show an extreme love for music and listening to music
Handwriting characteristically shows little consistency of slant; vertical lines of letters such as ‘h,j,p,t,l” make all kinds of different angles
Eye problems even though eyes test as normal. Many have problems with binocular vision or eye tracking movements
Many reverse words or letters
Most are poor spellers
Many seem to do better in numeracy than reading and all prefer verbal discussions to having to write something down
Nearly all poor readers understand language better through their ears than through their eyes.

So reading problems are related to the development of the nervous system. No amount of remedial reading will be as effective as addressing the nervous system inefficiencies directly.

[1] With thanks to Carl Delacato and insights from his book A new start for the child with reading problems.

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