Every parent dreams of having children who are happy, healthy and grow into competent young adults. Amy Rosenberg of Tufts University writes that experts have spent years identifying strategies that may help to realise that dream and shares them with us.
- Eat healthy food, together
Decades of research show that sharing meals with family and consuming less overprocessed food leads to better health and happiness for children.
Healthwise, it’s beneficial for children to reduce their consumption of over processed foods and to eat ‘real’, home-cooked food. But, rather than the meals themselves, the positive outcome of being together during meals is because of the open communication around a table. Everyday conversations build trust and provide a foundation for later, more sensitive conversations.
For optimum benefit, keep phones, tablets, and other distractions away from the table. No office or homework. If busy schedules make it impossible to have a family meal on certain days, find another way of talking to your children – even if its in the car en route to activities.
- The value of pets
Pets can be a source of pleasure, emotional support and companionship for a family. They can provide opportunities for children to practice positive social interactions and develop empathy, compassion and confidence. Recent research indicates that living with dogs, in particular, is associated with better social and emotional skills for children. The more the child is involved in caring for a pet, the greater the benefits.
Obviously the pet should be wanted by the whole family and taken in to become part of the family rather than acquired as a ‘therapy’ aid. A neglected pet will not bring required results.
- Don’t forget regular dental appointments
We may not always think about dental health but it is important. Poor tooth and gum health can affect children’s nutrition, speech, and ability to learn, among other things.
- Teach children coping mechanisms
Children face stressors daily, whether it’s pressure to succeed, social anxiety, or uncertainty about the future. While you can’t magically wave that stress away, you can help your child learn coping mechanisms.
Helping children build social connections and develop a sense of belonging is important. Here, faith communities, sports groups or any other are beneficial.
Teach children to put sleep, nutrition and movement first before stressful occasions, such as exams or important sports matches. Anxiety reducing strategies such as relaxation techniques, mindfulness and reducing negative self-talk can help as well.
For some causes of stress, like bullying, you may need the help of the school staff. Also consider limiting your child’s social media use to avoid exposure to harmful interactions.
In many cases, children just need the reassurance that a caring adult can provide. Invite them to share their concerns with you and give them time to respond. If they don’t want to talk straight away, don’t nag but just let them know that you are available and willing to listen.
- Model safe screen time
Your children will probably know more than you do about the latest programmes, apps and social media channels. So how to keep them safe?
According to Julie Dobrow, senior lecturer in the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Study and Human Development, Film and Media Studies Program faculty member, and senior lecturer at Tisch College of Civic Life, the most important step is to model good behaviour. “Think about how you want your kids to use their phones and social media, and follow those guidelines yourself,” she advised.
In addition, Dobrow says “Before sharing an application on a smartphone with a child, look at it and play with it,” she suggested. Determine whether it has value—and whether it’s consonant with your values. And be on the lookout for new apps and programmes. Its important to learn about them.
It’s also important to help youngsters use their screen time creatively. Having them design, programme, draw, record, or edit when they’re on screens—rather than playing simple games, watching valueless videos, or scrolling through social media—can provide them with stimulating, educational experiences. These become more valuable if a parent is present and can talk to them about what they’re watching or doing.
- Make time for outdoor play
It’s important that children have plenty of outdoor activity. Apart from free play, children can benefit from structured development programmes, such as scouts, girl guides or other organisations.
Research shows that children who combine sports and youth development activities score highest in positive development and contribution and lowest in risk and problem behaviour.
- Try to help your teens sleep enough
Most teens need eight to 10 hours of sleep per night but get far less. Not sleeping enough can threaten their mental well-being, academic performance and physical health.
Try to help your teen maintain consistent sleep and wake times each day. Catching up on sleep over weekends is not an answer and can further disrupt their sleeping. If they need to sleep longer on a weekend morning, allow just one additional hour.
To make time for winding down after extracurriculars and homework in the evenings, you may need to scale back on some activities. Ideally, teens should have time to relax for at least an hour before bed, without phones or laptops. In addition, have teens do their homework in a dedicated space other than on their beds.
Caffeine can also interrupt sleep so coffee and energy drinks should be avoided after 14:00.
Don’t forget the impact you and your behaviour has on your children, so leading by example is crucial to helping them establish healthy habits.
- Keep talking—and listening
Sometimes talking with your child about topics like bullying or sex can seem like one of the hardest assignments of parenting. If you’re unsure about your ability to give good advice or what approach to use, there are very helpful books to give you the tools for the challenge.
Robyn Silverman, AG04, an expert in child development and communicating with children, offers tools to help you ace the challenge. Her recent book, How to Talk to Kids about Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier, lays out research-based approaches to the kinds of discussions parents and others often feel ill-equipped to handle.
Some useful tips are: drop your own agenda and just listen to a child. Know generally what topics you want to broach and follow your child’s lead, discussing the topics when you see an opening.
In addition, consider what approach will appeal to your child. For one, you might want to tell a story, while another might respond better to statistics.
Keep in mind that it’s more effective to have many small conversations over a long stretch of time rather than just one big one. For example, she said, if you teach your kids the correct names for body parts when they’re young and over time discuss topics like consent, love, and respect, you can clear the path to later talks about sex.
Each conversation may not go perfectly, but don’t fear awkwardness or mistakes. You can always go back, acknowledge what went wrong, and start again.
For example, Silverman writes, “You can go to your child later and say, “You asked me a question the other day, and I shut it down. I was feeling awkward, but I want you to have the right information.” Or “When I responded to your question the other day, I wish I’d asked you your opinion, because it sounded like you were trying to tell me something, and I wasn’t really listening. Can we try that again?'”
Ultimately, she emphasised, it’s connection that matters. “The studies keep telling us that when we discuss tough topics with kids, they are much less likely to engage in risky behaviour,” she explained. “And they want to talk to us—even about the really difficult things.”
Provided by Tufts University
Image supplied by Freepik
