ILT Blog | Integrated Learning Therapy

Do your children fight all the time?

Feb 12, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

We tend to believe that siblings provide companionship for each other, and that only children are more lonely. The truth is that many parents find it difficult to handle the constant squabbling that takes place between brothers and sisters. Rachael Sharman, writing for The Conversation, discusses this sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry

In an everyday sense, bickering among siblings is a developmentally normal expectation. This allows children to work out differences among themselves, develop skills in negotiation, conflict resolution and emotional regulation.

When you look at it this way, squabbling can even be seen as a positive. Even if parents would prefer it didn’t happen under their roof so often.

The good news is you can help your children work through conflicts, and in doing so, increase their empathy. If routine squabbling is stressing out your household, here are a few things to consider:

Are you playing favourites?

Children will quickly pick up on any indication you may be playing favourites and may act out negatively to get your attention back to them.

Be honest with yourself—are you paying more attention to one child because they are more similar to you, or share your interests or seeming to be in need of more attention? If that’s the case, make an extra effort to be involved with all of your children equally.

Children need to do some growing up

Children genuinely pass through different stages of development.

For example, a two-year-old can be very self-centred and may even hit, bite and scratch to get his or her way. Explaining firmly they are not allowed to do that to other people, and introducing the idea that their behaviour hurts others can help build empathy.

Children also take until they are about four to develop a “Theory of Mind” or the capacity to understand issues from another’s perspective. So, it is important to take time to explain why their sibling is upset with them and ways in which they could resolve this conflict.

Is there a big age gap?

If your children have a larger age gap, consider just how different their interests and developmental capacity truly might be.

Asking a teenage child to “hang out” (or in reality, babysit) a younger sibling and thinking this will foster a friendship between them may be unfair and lead to tensions.

You also need to explain to younger children why a teenage sibling is allowed to do x, y and z but they can’t (or else this will seem unfair and possibly lead to resentment).

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Are the siblings very different?

Also consider that people can be genuinely differ in terms of personality or temperament. For some siblings, trying to live with someone who is so fundamentally different to them (and they would never willingly choose as a friend) is a real challenge.

Occasionally a highly introverted family finds themselves with a tap-dancing, attention-seeking extrovert, whom they find reckless and exhausting. Similarly, a rowdy hyperactive mob gets thrown a nerdy introvert who they find boring and weird.

Sometimes you just need to accept that your children aren’t going to grow up to be best friends, they are too different, and that’s OK.

Have a plan

When kids are thrown together for longer periods than usual, have a plan.

Try to arrange activities that are fun for the whole family, as well as some things they can do on their own if they need a break from one another. This may include arts or craft, gardening, practicing sports skills, or visiting friends and family.

Encourage children to talk

When conflicts arise, you really can help children by supporting them to express themselves and say why they’re upset, then have a balanced discussion about what might be a reasonable solution.

Discuss why conflict might be occurring—perhaps they have differences in temperament, interests and age-related abilities. This will really help children of all ages build social understanding.

If you’re dealing with highly emotional or aggressive behaviour, resist the urge to launch into a big negotiation straight away. Keep kids separate for a bit and engaged in a calming activity such as reading, Lego or outdoor play.

Once the dust has settled, then you can come back and talk about it calmly.

The squabble silver lining

Sibling rivalry and squabbling are common. But they can be made worse by parents stretching themselves too thin, not paying attention to their kids, or playing favourites.

Similarly, rivalries can be inflamed by genuine incompatibilities between children and developmental differences.

Try to remember this is your kids’ first go of figuring out how to get along with others. Squabbling is annoying but it is also an opportunity to teach them empathy and social skills that will benefit them outside the family as well as within.

Provided by The Conversation

Image provided by Freepik.

Helping your child make friends

Feb 5, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Many children face changes at the beginning of a new year. If they are starting at a new school, or changing classes at their previous one, it means that they may be faced by the challenge of making new friends.

Is it important to have friends?

The simple answer is yes! Cretchen Geng and Phillip Slee are involved in researching young people’s well-being and guiding schools on how to talk about mental health. They confirm that having good, lasting friendships is very important for children’s health, development and well-being.

Some children find it harder to make friends than others. If your child is shy or introverted they may find it hard to meet new people.

They need to know that it is OK not to be friends with everyone. They don’t have to make ten best friends all at once! Making friends takes time and even just one or two good friends can make a big difference.

To break the ice, encourage simple actions such as saying “hello” or offering a compliment: “That’s a cool backpack,” or “I like your watch.”

Help your child find activities to do with other children that they enjoy. These doesn’t have to involve formal sports but can be playing a game, doing a craft, dancing or reading. Tell them how it’s possible to be friends with lots of different kinds of people.

Talk about the importance of friendship

Glen and Slee write that research shows it’s important for parents to offer encouragement and guidance about friendships. This can lead to better quality friendships (how well friends get along) as children grow up.

Parents can start to talk to their child about the importance of friendships from a young age. Some questions parents could ask include “Who did you play with today?” “What did you like about playing with them?” and “What games did you play.”

Parents can also start conversations about the value of friends and friendship. For example, parents could ask their child about the importance of sharing with friends (“it actually feels great to share and make your friends happy”).

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Encourage your child to talk

Over time, children’s concept of friendships changes. Younger children view friends as somebody you can play with, while older children see friends as people they can trust and can share emotions and thoughts with.

Research shows that parents can also help this transition with advice and encouragement. Encourage your child to express their feelings and talk about what happens at school, so you can work through any issues or tricky things together.

This does not have to be a formal talk. You could chat while you are doing something else—like drawing, playing chess or throwing a ball.

To create a safe space for your child to freely express their feelings and emotions, avoid being judgmental or critical. Instead, ask questions, like “if you do it again, will you do it differently?” or “was that a kind decision?”

Encourage active listening

You can also encourage your child to be a good and supportive friend.

One way to do this is by being an active listener. This is about understanding what someone is saying (and possibly taking action because of it), not simply “hearing” what is said.

You can suggest your child takes a deep breath and lets the other child finish what they are trying to say, instead of interrupting and talking over people.

Active listening is a skill parents can practice with their child. Make a game and have fun doing it. Try it in the car, over the dinner table or in another informal setting.

Provided by The Conversation

Image provided by Freepik

Skip to School Success

Jan 29, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Do you remember the days when streets outside our homes and school playgrounds were full of (mostly) girls skipping rope? We don’t see this as often today, although it always gives me great pleasure when I do come across a few girls enjoying themselves in this age-old pastime.

I feel good when I see them because I know that they’re engaging in an activity that is just as good for their brains as it is for their growing bodies! Athletes use skipping ropes to help them get super fit. Boxers, like Muhammad Ali, have been including skipping in their daily routines for many years and others, like Venus Williams and Martial arts star Bruce Lee did it too. But with new knowledge from neuroscience, we now know that aerobic activity with added mental engagement can do wonders for helping the brain as well as the body. Aerobic exercise, raising the heartrate, produces chemicals that promote neural growth, make new connections, boost attention, focus and ability to learn efficiently. Many skipping games involve reciting rhymes, following a sequence of movement and so on, which meet the exact criteria for brain-healthy exercise.

Our children need to move so that their brains can function optimally. With today’s crowded housing, fears of allowing children to play on the street and even limited playground space at some schools, space for games is limited. This is where skipping comes in – it doesn’t need much space at all.

So why don’t families and schools begin a country-wide movement to encourage learners to skip? Make it part of the daily schedule and PT periods; arrange competitions; reward perseverance, practice and achievement so that learners realise that their school takes skipping seriously and values it as a sport. Moms and Dads can join in skipping sessions at home – it’s just as good for mature brains and bodies!

There are resources to help you with ideas about teaching skipping and then proceeding from individual to group skipping games. One that I came across on the internet is a publication from Canada, entitled Jump! The Nick guide to jumping rope. It covers the length of rope necessary for one’s height, different types of rope that are suitable and stretching exercises that are useful to do prior to beginning a skipping session. It then proceeds to explain various games from the most basic, solo skipping movements to challenges involving groups of children. Visit the websites www.nick.com and the booksellers, www.chroniclekids.com. I’m sure there are other sources available too.

So grab some lengths of rope get your learners moving!

Image supplied by Freepik.

Why can’t children focus on a task?

Jan 22, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

Jeff Grabmeier, of The Ohio State University reports on a recent study motivated by the knowledge that children tend to struggle to focus on a task, often taking in information that won’t help them complete their assignment. This raised the question, why?

The researchers found that this wasn’t because children’s brains weren’t mature enough to understand the task or pay attention, and it wasn’t because they were easily distracted and lacked the control to focus.

It appears that youngsters pay attention to a broader distribution of information available. This might be because out of simple curiosity or because their working memory isn’t developed enough to complete a task without “over exploring.”

“Children can’t seem to stop themselves from gathering more information than they need to complete a task, even when they know exactly what they need,” said Vladimir Sloutsky, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at The Ohio State University.

Sloutsky conducted the study, published recently in the journal Psychological Science, with lead author Qianqian Wan, a doctoral student in psychology at Ohio State.

In this study, the researchers confirmed that even when children successfully learn how to focus their attention on a task to earn small rewards such as stickers, they still “over explore” and don’t concentrate just on what is needed to complete their assignment.

One goal of this study was to see if this was due to children’s levels of distractibility.

Part of the research involved four- to six-year-old children and adults. Participants were told they were going to identify two types of bird-like creatures called Hibi or Gora. Each type had a unique combination of colours and shapes for their horn, head, beak, body, wing, feet and tail. For six of the seven body parts, the combination of colour and shape predicted whether it was a Hibi or Gora with 66% accuracy. But one body part was always a perfect match to only one of the creatures, which both children and adults quickly learned to identify in the first part of the study.

In order to test whether children were easily distracted, the researchers covered up each body part, meaning the study participants had to uncover them one by one to identify which creature it was. They were rewarded for identifying the creature as quickly as possible.

For adults, the task was easy. If they knew the tail was the body part that was always matched perfectly with one of the two types of creatures, they always uncovered the tail and correctly identified the creature.

But the children were different. If they had learned the tail was the body part that always identified a creature perfectly, they would uncover that first—but they would still uncover other body parts before they made their choice.

“There was nothing to distract the children—everything was covered up. They could do like the adults and only click on the body part that identified the creature, but they did not,” Sloutsky said.

“They just kept uncovering more body parts before they made their choice.”

Sloutsky thought that another reason could be that children just like tapping on the buttons. So, in another study, they gave adults and children the opportunity to make just one tap on an “express” button to reveal the whole creature and all of its parts, or to tap on each body part individually to reveal it.

Children predominantly chose the express option to just tap once to reveal the creature to make their decision of what type it was. So, they weren’t just clicking for the fun of it.

Sloutsky will conduct future studies to investigate whether this unneeded exploration is simple curiosity. But he said he believes the more likely explanation is that working memory is not fully developed in children. That means they don’t hold information they need to complete a task in their memory for very long, at least not as long as adults.

“The children learned that one body part will tell them what the creature is, but they may be concerned that they don’t remember correctly. Their working memory is still under development,” Sloutsky said.

“They want to resolve this uncertainty by continuing to sample, by looking at other body parts to see if they line up with what they think.”

As children’s working memory matures, they feel more confident in their ability to retain information for a longer time, he said, and act more like adults do.

Future research should answer the question of whether the issue is curiosity or working memory, Sloutsky said.

More information: Qianqian Wan et al, Exploration, Distributed Attention, and Development of Category Learning, Psychological Science (2024). DOI: 10.1177/09567976241258146

Journal information: Psychological Science

Image supplied by Freepik.

The benefits of shared reading

Jan 15, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages parents and caregivers to read aloud with their newborns and young children. In a recent policy statement, they say that this is an opportunity to foster loving, nurturing relationships during a critical time of brain development.

The policy statement is “Literacy Promotion: An Essential Component of Primary Care Pediatric Practice.” There has been an extraordinary amount of research in this area, and an accompanying new technical report reviews the evidence for shared reading as a way to strengthen and nurture relationships, stimulate brain circuitry and create early attachments.

“Reading together with young children weaves joyful language and rich interactive moments into the fabric of daily life,” said Perri Klass, MD, FAAP, lead author of both statements.

“As a pediatrician and parent, I suggest making books your bedtime routine, using them to connect and wind down after a busy day, and generally building them into life with a young child. It will strengthen the bonds that hold you together, and build your child’s developing brain.”

Policy statements and technical reports created by AAP are written by medical experts, reflect the latest evidence in the field, and go through several rounds of peer review before being approved by the AAP Board of Directors and published in Pediatrics.

The AAP emphasizes that, as a positive parenting practice, shared reading helps build the foundation for healthy social-emotional, cognitive, language, and literacy development. This sets the stage for school readiness and provides enduring benefits across the life course.

“Turning the pages of a high-quality, print book filled with colourful pictures and rich, expressive language are best,” said Dipesh Navsaria, MD, MPH, MSLIS, FAAP, a co-author of the technical report and chair of the Council on Early Childhood.

“While touchscreens and other electronic devices may be popular, they are typically passive or solitary experiences for children and do not offer the same benefits of interactivity and relationship-building.”

“Research tells us that reading proficiency by third grade is a significant predictor of high school graduation and career success,” Dr. Klass said.

“Children who first encounter books in the arms of their parents, when they are very young, arrive at school associating books and reading with lap-time, a sense of security, interactions, stories, rhymes and entertainment, and above all with the beloved voices of the adults with whom they have those all-important early relationships.”

Image supplied by Freepik.

More information: Claudia Aristy and Dr. Klass discuss the policy during a plenary session, “Turning Pages Together: How Pediatricians Rewrote the Book on Early Literacy,” from 10:30-noon ET Sunday in the Orange County Convention Center Valencia Ballroom.

Journal information: Pediatrics

Getting children active for their mental health

Jan 8, 2025 | I'm a Parent, I'm a Teacher, ILT Blog

This week, I’m reporting on an article in The Conversation written by Ben Singh and Grace McKeon. They address how fitness levels can support mental health in children.

As adults, we are told regularly that exercise helps to make us feel better mentally, such as easing depression and reducing anxiety. Now, newer research sheds light on its rising importance for children’s well-being. Staying active could be key to safeguarding and enhancing young people’s mental health.

Improving mood

One in seven adolescents worldwide has a mental illness. As a result, parents and health-care providers are increasingly seeking effective prevention strategies. One surprisingly simple approach might be: physical fitness.

A recent study reveals even small improvements in fitness were linked to improved teen mental health. When adolescents improved their fitness by just 30 seconds on a running test, their risk of developing anxiety, depression, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) dropped by 7%–8%.

This suggests something as straightforward as regular exercise could play a crucial role in protecting young people’s mental well-being.

For parents and health professionals looking to support adolescent mental health, encouraging participation in team sports could also be an especially effective strategy. A study of more than 17,000 teenagers revealed a powerful link between sports and mental health: teens who participated in sports clubs were 60% less likely to experience depression compared to inactive kids.

This suggests team sports offer a unique environment for teens’ mental well-being, combining physical activity, social connection and structured routines.

Benefits for the classroom

Physical activity can also sharpen children’s thinking and improve school performance: being active is associated with improvements in concentration, decision-making abilities, attention and academic performance. Studies have also found positive links between physical activity and performance in maths and reading skills.

Even short ten-minute bouts of activity can have immediate positive effects on classroom performance.

Adding more physical activity to the school day—rather than cutting it for academic subjects—can not only boost students’ academic performance but also enhance their overall health and well-being.

When and how to start

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, experts generally agree it’s never too early to encourage physical activity.

The World Health Organization recommends children aged 3–4 should engage in at least 180 minutes of physical activity daily, with at least 60 minutes being moderate to vigorous intensity: activities that cause kids to huff and puff, such as running or playing sports.

For school-age children (5 to 17 years), the recommendation is at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity daily, with activities that strengthen muscles and bones at least three times a week.

Fun and age-appropriateness is a key

The key to introducing fitness to children is to make it fun and age-appropriate. Here are some strategies:

Incorporate play: for younger children, focus on active play rather than structured exercise. Activities such as tag, hide-and-seek, or obstacle courses can be both fun and physically demanding.
Explore various activities: expose children to different sports and activities to help them find what they enjoy. This could include team sports, dance, martial arts, or swimming. Consider activities that are culturally relevant or significant to your family, as this can enhance their sense of belonging and interest.
Lead by example: children often mimic their parents’ behaviors, observing their actions. By being active yourself, you not only set a positive example but also encourage your children to do the same.
Make it a family affair: encourage physical activity by planning active family outings like hikes, bike rides, or trips to the park to foster a love of exercise in a fun and engaging way.
Limit screen time: Encourage outdoor playand physical activities as alternatives to sedentary screen time, fostering a healthier lifestyle and promoting well-being.

Keep it safe

While the benefits of fitness for children are clear, it’s important to approach it safely. Some potential risks include:

Injuries from overexertion: children eager to push their limits can suffer from overuse injuries, such as sprains or strains. Encourage a variety of physical activities to prevent overuse injuries. Ensure adequate rest during training and competition, and promote proper warm-up and cool-down.
Heat-related illness: children exercising in hot weather are at risk of heat exhaustion, with symptoms including dizziness and nausea. Emphasize hydrationbefore, during and after exercise. Schedule activities during cooler times and provide shaded areas for breaks, teaching kids to recognize signs of overheating.
Improper technique and equipment: using incorrect form or inappropriate equipment can result in injuries and impede development. It’s essential to provide proper instruction, ensure equipment is size-appropriate, and supervise children during exercise. Programs should be designed to be safe and inclusive, accommodating children with disabilities, ensuring everyone can participate meaningfully without barriers.
Burnout: excessive exercise or pressure to perform can cause physical and mental burnout. This can lead to a loss of interest. To prevent burnout, it is important to stick to nationaland international activity recommendations, ensure adequate rest, and encourage a balance between structured exercise and free play.

Making movement a lifelong habit

The evidence is clear: fit kids are happier, healthier, and better equipped to handle life’s challenges. By introducing fitness early and in an engaging, age-appropriate manner, we can set children on a path to lifelong physical and mental well-being. This can also foster a love for movement and activity that will serve them well into adulthood.

Provided by The Conversation

Image provided by Freepik

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