Should my child be studying music?

Should my child be studying music?

Individual music lessons aren’t part and parcel of school these days, unlike years ago, when children had the opportunity to learn an instrument in their mainstream school.  Very few schools have a row of ‘music rooms,’ with specially trained teachers employed to coach youngsters in the practical and theoretical aspects of music.  Today, parents usually have to find a private music teacher and arrange for lessons.  Is this something worth considering?

The literature says yes.  There are studies showing that music can benefit a child in terms of both cognitive ability and academic achievement. 

So if you are considering enrolling your child for music lessons, what would be the ideal starting age?

Timothy McKenry, writing for The Conversation, offers some guidelines as to this.

The benefits of starting young

It is never too late to learn music. Recent research highlights the positive impacts of music lessons for elderly people.  For children, however, there are special benefits for starting before the age of nine.  At around nine years of age musical aptitude or “talent” becomes fixed. Before this age it is pliable and engaging in organised musical activity expands a child’s musical potential.

Should I wait for my child to ask for lessons?

There is debate among parents and teachers about whether parents should wait for their child to express interest in music lessons before starting.

Some children ask for lessons but although asking is a good indication a child is ready, it is not necessary to wait.  Time is a factor here because a UK survey showed that enthusiasm for learning an instrument peaks at ages five to six years.  If a child is not yet learning an instrument, their enthusiasm halves by age seven.

Which instrument?

Instruments including the piano, keyboard, violin, flute and recorder are ideal for an early start. The Suzuki Method  allows children to begin learning some of these at aged three. It’s common for teachers of any method to teach children these instruments from five years and up.

String instruments like violins are tailored to a child’s development with different sizes available. A child under five may begin learning with an instrument 1/32 the size of an adult instrument.

The ukulele has also become an increasingly popular “primer” instrument for children as young as four.

Brass and reed instruments (such as the trumpet or clarinet) require greater strength and losing baby teeth can make forming the right mouth shape or embouchure difficult. It is more usual for children to start brass and reed instruments in high school.

It’s not uncommon for a child to begin on one instrument and later change to another. This usually happens when a child begins on an inexpensive instrument such as recorder or ukulele and progresses onto the saxophone or guitar. Or a child might enjoy music, but dislike or become frustrated by their current instrument.

Choosing a teacher

It’s wise to exercise diligence when selecting a teacher. Good teaching—particularly for younger children—requires more than simply the ability to play. Teachers should have a qualification, experience and ideally belong to a professional affiliation.  In South Africa, the South African Society for Music Teachers (SASMT) is possibly the best known.

Whatever their method, a good teacher will be able to articulate an age-appropriate learning method and explain how their approach changes as a child matures.

A good teacher will also be able to outline realistic strategies to help a child develop a sustainable practice routine. The amount of practice required depends on the instrument and the age of the child, but there should be clear expectations around practice.

There should also be clear expectations around the degree of parental involvement and intended learning milestones.

What if private lessons aren’t an option?

Music lessons can be expensive and they can take up time in our busy lives.  Online lessons may be a useful way to expose children to music so finding video tutorials and music learning apps might be a possibility.

 

Provided by The Conversation.

Image supplied by Freepik.

 

How can children learn to be tidy?

How can children learn to be tidy?

Some children manage to keep their rooms tidy but they are probably in the minority.  Most will allow toys, clothes and other assorted items to accumulate everywhere.  They seem to prefer facing the wrath of a parent rather than attempting to clean up the mess.

Daily confrontations cause stress in a family but there is perhaps hope.  Elizabeth Westrupp, Christiane Kehoe and Gabriella King, writing for The Conversation, offer a different way to approach this problem.

Why are many children and teens so untidy?

It seems that knowing how to efficiently organise a mess requires a certain amount of brain maturation that children and teens have not yet developed.  The ability to sort out chaos and effect high-level organisational tasks is the work of a certain part of the brain that only develops in adulthood.

As with other aspects of development though, this ability can be helped to develop during childhood through practice.  A child from as young as 18 months can be encouraged to help put away toys and possessions.

Why you shouldn’t just clear it up yourself

As a parent we can get caught in a cycle of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and become disconnected from our child’s perspective. For younger children, play is work—much of their learning happens as they play so cleaning up their play space  may deprive them of a lesson or two..

When we interrupt their play and tidy up their masterpiece, or throw out a special object, it can break trust and feel devastating for them.

For teenagers (and even younger children), having personal space is important to develop a healthy identity and sense of control in their world.

So when parents barge into their room and move their things, this can feel like a violation.

How can you teach them about tidying up?

Have a chat with your child about tidying up at a calm moment (when you’re not asking them to clean anything). Don’t lecture but acknowledge how hard it is for them to keep a room tidy. Ask for their ideas on what might help and decide together on a regular routine (perhaps they always give their room a quick tidy before TV, or it’s a job on a certain day). Discuss what could get in the way and how you will work together.

Have fewer toys in your child’s room and a special place for these. One key is to limit the amount of toys in a child’s room.  If they have to scratch through a pile of toys to find something, they will inevitably create a mess.  But there are other ways of addressing the problem.  Having fewer toys can make the room more appealing and organized, inspire play and creativity, and make tidying up easier.

Notice when your child is doing any kind of cleaning up and acknowledge the effort. Children love to feel noticed—we all do!

Break the task down into smaller parts for older children. For example, you could suggest that they tackle a particular area (e.g. lego blocks) rather than just saying “tidy your room.”

Be playful with younger children. Cleaning up can be a time for connection. Get them to find all the red toys first, then see how fast they can bring you any socks that need washing.

Notice how your child feels when you are asking them to tidy up. See these emotions as an opportunity for connection and guidance. For example, “It’s hard to clean up this amazing fort, you worked so hard on it and made it so cozy.” Name emotions as you go. For example, “It’s overwhelming when there is so much to clean. Are you worried about where to start?” Or problem-solve together: “What could we clean up first?”

With teenagers, use single word reminders, starting with just one thing that needs cleaning (for example, “washing?” Or “plates?”). Single word reminders allow a teen to save face and prevent battles. Watch your tone of voice and body language—try to stay warm, firm and kind.

 

Provided by The Conversation. 

Image provided by Freepik.

 

How to teach children to tell the truth

How to teach children to tell the truth

We all appreciate truthfulness and as parents and educators, try to encourage our children to tell the truth.  But it isn’t always easy to know whether to punish them for telling a lie or not. 

Research by Brock University suggests that punishing a child for telling a lie might actually make things worse.  Children are afraid of getting into trouble so they often lie to avoid this.

A study with children aged 3 to 8 tested whether the combination of two techniques could boost truth-telling across the age groups.  One technique involved modelling, where children were exposed to examples of other people being honest. The other involved consequences, which shows children a positive outcome of truth-telling (approval from parents and others) when the truth is spoken.

A total of 228 children participated in an exercise in which each child was left alone in a room with a toy on a table behind where the child was sitting. The experimenter instructed the child not to peek at the toy and then left the room, with a hidden camera recording what the child did when alone. Most of the children peeked at the toy.

After returning to the room, the experimenter read a story to the child. Some children heard a version about a character who modelled honesty by admitting they broke a window with their bouncy ball. Others heard a story without the character owning up to breaking the window but the mother saying she would be pleased if her child told the truth, which simulated consequences.

Finally, a portion of the child participants heard the full story of the character saying they broke the window, the mother’s encouragement to tell the truth and praise for the character for having done so: “I’m glad you did not lie. It makes me happy that you told the truth.”

The child was then asked whether they had peeked at the toy.

The researchers found children across all age groups who heard the full version of the story were the most likely to confess peeking at the toy compared to those who heard the versions containing only modelling or consequences.

These findings suggest that using both techniques – i.e. modelling honesty as well as telling children about the positive outcomes of honesty are more effective than using only one.

The researcher suggests that parents provide models of honesty for their children through parental behaviour, reading stories such as “George Washington and the Cherry Tree” that encourage truth-telling, and rewarding honesty in day-to-day interactions.

 The researcher writes that as parents, our gut reaction to a child’s misdoing is to chastise for the negative behaviour but it might be more effective to focus on their telling the truth about a wrongdoing rather than the wrongdoing itself.

Of course it might be necessary to punish a child for a wrongdoing but if they tell the truth about it, consider making them aware that the punishment may be less (e.g. one week without TV instead of two) if they told the truth than if they had lied – and be very explicit that the difference is due to their honesty.

 More information: Angela D. Evans et al, Encouraging honesty: Developmental differences in the influence of honesty promotion techniques, Developmental Psychology (2024). DOI: 10.1037/dev0001640

Journal information: Developmental Psychology 

 Image supplied by Freepik.

Does screen time interfere with parent-toddler interaction?

Does screen time interfere with parent-toddler interaction?

 

Ernie Mundell, writing for Health Day, reports on research findings concerning toddlers amount of screen time and how it may impact on their interaction with parents or other caregivers.

In short, the study showed that using TVs and tablets as “e-babysitters” significantly cuts down on the time toddlers spend interacting with parents or other caregivers.

The Australian team of investigators are calling the phenomenon “technoference”—a scenario where “young children’s exposure to screen time is interfering with opportunities to talk and interact in their home environment.”

Current guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics for kids ages 2 to 5 recommend “no more than one hour per day [of media use], to allow children ample time to engage in other activities important to their health and development.”

Unfortunately, many toddlers are being exposed to screens at much higher rates than that.

“Increases in screen time were associated with decreases in measures of parent-child talk,” the researchers found.

By the age of 3, the average child in the study was watching some type of screen for two hours and 52 minutes each day.

And “for every additional minute of screen time, children heard fewer adult words, spoke fewer vocalizations and engaged in fewer back-and-forth interactions,” the researchers found.

Put more concretely, by the age of 3 every extra minute spent looking at a TV or computer screen was linked to 6.6 fewer words spoken with an adult that day.

Parents may not be aware of the impact of screen time on kids’ development and may need to understand the potential association of screen time with opportunities for children and adults to talk and interact in their home environment.

More information: Find out more about media’s impact on your toddler at the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Mary E. Brushe et al, Screen Time and Parent-Child Talk When Children Are Aged 12 to 36 Months, JAMA Pediatrics (2024). DOI: 10.1001/jamapediatrics.2023.6790

Journal information: JAMA Pediatrics 

Image supplied by Freepix.

Has your 4-year-old been labelled as ADHD?

Has your 4-year-old been labelled as ADHD?

 

It’s not uncommon that quite a few very young boys are described as ‘ADHD’ or hyperactive.  They are regarded as being overly ‘busy’, mainly by their preschool teachers.  Are we forgetting that most young children are highly active, energetic and generally spend much time ‘on the move’?   While it is important that true attentional problems are recognised early on so that children can receive the correct help, it can be tricky to identify these correctly.  My long years of experience have shown that highly active young boys generally settle down as they grow, perform well at school and fail to develop any attention or other learning related problems.

So why are teachers sometimes labelling youngsters incorrectly?  Perhaps we need to consider how they come to this decision and consider what other aspects may be contributing to the children’s inattentive behaviours.

A child who fails to concentrate in one situation is in danger of being seen as a child who can’t concentrate in any situation. If a child doesn’t sit still he is in danger of being called hyperactive. His parents might be panicked into believing hyperactivity and poor concentration are permanent conditions which will need specialist treatment, including medication.

Highly mobile youngsters may show a disinclination to sit down and engage in table tasks.  Their preference will be for outdoor play, usually very physical.  Or others may seem to dislike concentrating on teaching materials, rejecting colouring-in, crafts, puzzles and so on.  They prefer any number of other games or activities that are enjoyed at home.    Boys in particular need to be physically engaged and take much longer to adapt to more sedentary tasks.  They may not want to concentrate on the teaching events, listen to stories sitting quietly in a circle, or follow the teacher’s instructions.

Check his concentration

You can check whether your child can concentrate by giving him something to do which he enjoys doing, and which takes concentration.  If your child can pay attention to the activity for at least five minutes you will know he can concentrate (and sit still).  It’s important to emphasise that if someone can concentrate in one situation, then the problem is not an inability to concentrate.  If your child’s attention wanders before the five minutes have passed, maybe he does need your help.  The nature of the help will depend on your assessment of the situation so let’s consider some relevant points.

  1. Have realistic expectations.  Some children seem to be able to concentrate better than others.  If you compare one child to others, you may be unrealistic in terms of what he can and can’t do.  Instead, compare what your child is doing this week with what he was doing last week; how he behaved when he went to bed last night; how he played with other children at school compared with how he plays with them at home. When you focus on your individual child and notice changes in his behaviour, it helps avoid becoming trapped into thinking that your child has a problem simply because he’s different from others. 
  1. Avoid using checklists.  Checklists can convince you that your child has a serious problem because they can be so all inclusive that parents or teachers will find something on the list that applies to that child.  They make you feel they are describing unusual behavior but often they are only describing things that every child will do sometimes.  Checklists for ADHD can include the following questions: 
  • Does your child forget instructions?
  • Does your child have a short temper?
  • Does your child fidget?
  • Does your child constantly ask questions?
  • Does your child leave his bedroom untidy?
  • Does your child produce messy work?
  •  

Doesn’t this look like a list of the stages that all children go through and outgrow? 

  1. Does your child know how to pay attention?  Some children will seem to pay attention automatically.  However, every child learns differently and for some, the ability to attend doesn’t come naturally. They need help in learning to concentrate and the good news is that concentration can be taught. For children to learn concentration, they must be given responsibility, must feel that their contribution to family life matters and must have the chance gradually to develop the skills everyone needs in order to be able to function successfully.
  1. Does your child only pay attention when it suits him?  The reason for this may be because what he should be doing is: too difficult, too boring, too tedious or not clearly understood.  The child will simply try to get out of something he doesn’t want to do or feels incapable of doing.  This avoidance behavior needs investigating and a good place to start is to find out whether or not he understands how to learn or how to approach the task given.  If children are not expected to learn to do things at home, they may struggle to learn at school.  Setting the dining table is a good example of an age-appropriate task that can be used to teach a young child to learn.  It’s a simple everyday activity but it needs a system.  While busy, your child will have to keep thinking until the job is done.   Having chores to do at home are good learning opportunities that have unexpected spin-offs! 

What to do?

If reports from school concern you, don’t ignore them but don’t overreact either.  First do your own assessment of the situation and then, if need be, find a helping professional that will look holistically at the situation.   While most of the younger boys suspected of having ‘ADHD’ will not need intervention, some might well benefit from help.  Unusual behaviours can have many different causes – which is why ILT practitioners are taught to consider all possibilities. 

Image supplied by Freepik.

 

 

 

 

 

Secure attachment: How important is this for your child?

Secure attachment: How important is this for your child?

Most of us are aware that children and parents or caregivers typically form a strong emotional bond.  If the relationship is positive, this is called a ‘secure attachment’.

Writing for ‘The Conversation’, Deneault and Madigan explain that Secure attachment acts like a superpower for children.  A strong, positive bond lays the foundation for healthy achievement in children, such as succeeding at academics, good social development, being able to regulate their emotions and general well-being.

The importance of secure attachment has led to studies to clarify how parents can help develop this.  A recent study by Deneault and Madigan shows that when parents’ behaviour shows more sensitivity to children’s needs, the child is far more likely to develop secure attachment.

Here are some of their findings:

Being present and attentive

A sensitive parent notices when a child needs attention and quickly provides comfort and reassurance.  Infants may cry when they are hungry or scared; older children may have a mishap and hurt themselves.  Sensitivity means that parents responds promptly, without being distracted or preoccupied with their own concerns.  They recognise and the child’s cues and act effectively.

Being sensitive fosters trust and security

The research, published in Psychological Bulletin, highlights how sensitive and responsive parenting behaviours are key ingredients to achieving secure attachment.

Importantly, this link was present for children of all ages, as well as for girls and boys.

This study shows that sensitive behaviours tell children that they can rely on their parent in moments of need and trust them to help, which fosters secure attachment.

A sense of secure attachment with their parents or first caregivers is also the foundation for relationships with many other caregivers as children grow up, such as grandparents and educators. By having a caregiver who responds to their needs, children learn that when things get hard, they can rely on others for support and comfort.

Many people may primarily think of mothers when it comes to comforting a distressed child. However, this study reiterates that sensitive parenting matters for both parents and can, in fact, be achieved by any caregiver. alike.  Being able to recognize and respond to a child’s needs is about being attentive and caring for the child, and this can be achieved by any caregiver.

Strategies to be more sensitive

Here are some strategies to help parents and educators.

  1. Recognize children’s signals. Children signal their needs differently based on their age. For example, babies cry, whimper or grimace to signal their needs. Babies also babble to show their interest in making sounds and to have those sounds be repeated back to them. Older children may cry, openly state their needs or refer to physical symptoms that may signal needs. Teens may withdraw. It’s important to remember that all kids are different, and it may take some time and patience to recognize each child’s specific signals.
  1. Respect children’s pace. It’s important to let the child take the lead. Allow the child set the pace and direction when you interact with them. For example, a small child might want to stop and inspect every rock or flower on a short walk, which might seem slow or dull to a parent, but is a fascinating adventure to a small child whose brain is rapidly developing. By letting children take the lead during play, encouraging their exploration and commenting on what they are interested in, you are helping them understand their world better.
  2. Be kind to yourself. Caregivers can sometimes experience pressure to be the “perfect parent.” However, it can sometimes be difficult to respond sensitively when we are feeling stressed or pulled in all directions. So, while we aim for consistency in our caregiving responses, it’s also important to be kind to ourselves and understand that we are human too.

 

Journal information: Psychological Bulletin 

Provided by The Conversation 

 

Image supplied by Freepik.